Navigating Life with a 3-Year-Old Who Has a Speech Delay

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“Look, that girl can’t talk.”

As I stand in the grocery store with my 3-year-old son and my 1-year-old daughter, I’m loading up on bread, explaining to my daughter that we need plenty for her favorite “yummy”—a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Her excited reply is a delightful mix of sounds and words. “Yay, Mommy! Yummy! With pink!” (That’s her way of asking for strawberry jam.)

My daughter is 3 and has an expressive speech delay. She’s never uttered the words, “I love you, Mommy.” Instead, she gently places her little hands on my cheeks, pulls me in close for eye contact, and says, “Hi, my Mommy. Hi.” Then, she wraps her arms around my neck and gives a contented sigh.

In that grocery store moment, I feel an overwhelming urge to chase after that little boy—a stranger who wouldn’t even understand what he said—and defend my daughter. Thankfully, she seems blissfully unaware of his remark.

I wish I could tell him about all the words she does know. Since she started speech therapy at age 2, we’ve seen incredible progress. I want to share the countless hearing tests we’ve done, our worries about a possible birth complication, and the many what-ifs that swirl in my mind. Every time I pick her up from preschool and hear her classmates having lively conversations, I can’t help but wonder if I did something wrong. Should I have placed her in daycare sooner? Did I not read to her enough? Was I too attached? Did I let her keep her pacifier too long?

If you’re a parent of a child with a speech or developmental delay, you get it. The constant questioning can be overwhelming. Why is this happening? What could I have changed? It’s easy to succumb to the blame game—people love to point fingers at moms. If your kid acts out, it’s your fault. If they’re picky eaters, it’s on you. And if they’re not developing typically, well, clearly you’re to blame.

But it’s not your fault. And it’s not my fault. I truly understand my daughter, perhaps better than anyone else does. She makes every effort to communicate and express herself. I wish I could tell that little boy and his mom that since starting preschool, where she has access to a speech pathologist and supportive teachers, she has made remarkable strides. Her ability to make sounds, form words, and piece together sentences has improved tremendously, allowing her to connect with more people.

I want to share how she narrates her playtime, saying, “Here, Mommy,” while patting the space next to her, “Mommy, Daddy, baby, me.” Those are her dolls. “Docta,” she says as they go to the doctor or “cool” (school). Just this year, she’s learned to identify colors, and the way she pronounces “lello” for yellow melts my heart.

This Halloween, she confidently said “tick-teat” and “tank you” while trick-or-treating—something her younger brother has also mastered, but that took her a bit longer. Right now, she’s super excited about Santa Claus (“Ho. Ho. Ho! Uppy, Mommy”). There’s a whole world of words she wants to share that she just can’t quite express yet.

The boy has wandered off, and as I ponder those lingering thoughts, my little girl looks up at me with her big, bright eyes. She’s quiet now, no longer talking about “pink yummies.”

“What a silly boy,” I say with a smile. “Of course, you can talk. Remember, we were just chatting about yummy green jam.”

She giggles, and so does her little brother.

“No, Mommy! Pink!”

“Pink jam?”

“Uh yeah!”

It’s not your fault, dear mom. One day, hopefully, you’ll find yourself wishing she would just take a breather because she’ll never stop talking. You’ll cherish those memories of deciphering her words, knowing you understood her when no one else could, and you’ll treasure those moments of joy surrounding pink yummies.

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Summary

Parenting a child with a speech delay is filled with emotional highs and lows, as parents grapple with feelings of self-doubt and frustration. It’s crucial to remember that progress is possible. With support and therapy, children can improve their communication skills and express themselves in meaningful ways, and it’s important to cherish those small victories along the way.