Notes I Should Probably Be Writing To My Children’s Teachers

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Kids are delightfully quirky. Their boundless imaginations can lead to some of the most amusing statements and questions. These endearing qualities are entertaining at home, but when they step into the classroom, that’s when the potential for awkward conversations begins. As a parent of three rambunctious kids, I sometimes feel the need to clarify a few things with their teachers.

So, here are a few notes I should probably send to my children’s teachers:

RE: The Tower Incident

Dear Teacher,
Hi! I wanted to drop you a quick note to clarify that my daughter’s claims of being locked in a tower are completely unfounded. We don’t even have a tower! Also, regarding her saying, “Mommy’s going to take me to jail,” just to be clear, I have never threatened her with jail time—mostly because I’m not a law enforcement officer! Some days I might wish I could enforce a bit of discipline, but I promise, I’m kidding! Just thought I’d clear that up in case it comes up in class.
Wishing you a great day!

RE: My ‘Boyfriend’

Dear Teacher,
Hey there! I wanted to address something a bit awkward. My daughter may mention that I have a boyfriend on the other side of the world. Just to clarify, I have a cousin who lives in Hong Kong, and while we’re friends, he’s definitely my cousin—not a boyfriend! My husband and I are happily married, just to clear that up as well.
Have a wonderful day!
P.S. My husband is not my cousin, despite the fact that my 3-year-old sometimes mixes up the terms and shouts, “Daddy is Mommy’s cousin!” which is certainly not the case!

RE: The ‘Bloody’ Arrival

Dear Teacher,
I wanted to apologize for my daughter arriving at school this morning with what appeared to be blood on her face and shirt. It’s a slight exaggeration; it was more like a small spot from her aggressive nose-picking habit! I was a bit distracted trying to get her twin sister ready while keeping the younger one from having a meltdown. I promise to check her appearance more closely tomorrow!
Thanks for your understanding!

RE: Santa’s ‘Package’

Dear Teacher,
Good afternoon! I need to give you a heads-up: My daughter has been very curious about the private parts of fictional characters. She’s particularly fixated on whether Santa, being a boy, has a penis. I know it’s an odd topic, but she’s 4 and just doesn’t have brothers to enlighten her! And if she starts asking about Winnie the Pooh, I’d love to hear your take on that because, well, he doesn’t wear pants, so it’s a bit of a conundrum! Thanks for your help with these curious little minds!
Have a great day!

I’m lucky that all of my children’s teachers are understanding and have a great sense of humor about the antics of kids and the complexities of family life. But just in case, I have these notes ready!

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Summary:

Kids say the darnedest things! As parents, it’s often necessary to clarify some of their more outlandish claims to their teachers. From imaginary towers to conversations about Santa, navigating these topics can be humorous yet essential for maintaining clear communication in the classroom.