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My Journey Through an Ectopic Pregnancy
In November, I found myself in a rather unexpected situation—becoming part of the one percent. Now, I’m not talking about the elite, wealthy one percent; rather, I mean the 1% of women who face ectopic or molar pregnancies.
My husband and I were overjoyed to discover we were expecting after trying for a while. We had plans to share the news with family at Thanksgiving, complete with creative ideas I’d pinned for revealing the baby’s gender and a list of essentials I’d started on Amazon. But at around eight weeks, everything changed. A trip to the bathroom revealed I was bleeding, and panic set in. I called my husband, convinced I was losing the baby, and rushed to see my doctor. The ultrasound revealed the worst: our embryo had implanted in my fallopian tube rather than my uterus.
As my OB explained the situation, I felt detached, almost like I was watching it unfold from a distance. All I could manage to say was, “Oh no,” followed by an apology for my language. Looking back, I chuckle at that; no one expected me to be polite in that moment. Ectopic pregnancies are not just nonviable—they can be life-threatening, so they must be addressed quickly. Thankfully, my fallopian tube hadn’t ruptured; we had a couple of options ahead of us. We could either take methotrexate, a chemotherapy drug to end the pregnancy, or we could go for surgery, which often results in removing the tube. Since we hoped to conceive again in the future, we opted for the medication.
It’s an incredibly surreal experience to have a pregnancy you’ve longed for, yet know that continuing it could cost you your life. The decision to end it was heart-wrenching. Logically, I understood there was no chance for this pregnancy, but emotionally, I felt like I was taking a life. I remember sitting up in bed, crying and apologizing to the baby I would never know.
Two days later, I felt awful—my OB had warned me of increased pain from the medication, but this was beyond anything I anticipated. I could barely move and needed my husband’s help just to get to the bathroom. A follow-up appointment revealed that the medication hadn’t worked, necessitating surgery after all. Once again, I had to make the painful choice to end my pregnancy.
The emotional toll was immense. I had read a misleading article the night before that suggested ectopic pregnancies could somehow continue and result in a healthy baby, casting a shadow of doubt over my decision. But that notion was nonsense, and thankfully, most in the pro-life movement don’t support it either. Even though the surgery was straightforward and I physically healed quickly, the emotional scars took longer to mend.
Informing our families about the loss of the pregnancy they never knew about was challenging. It felt like a piece of me had been taken away while life continued around me. Statistics show that 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, while 1-2% are ectopic or molar. Many families go through this, and while I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, the support from those who have experienced similar losses has been invaluable. Some people may downplay your feelings, but the ones who truly understand will offer compassion and empathy.
If you’re navigating a loss, remember you’re not alone. Your baby was cherished and mattered. You don’t have to hide your emotions. There’s a community out there ready to support you through your grief. For instance, check out The Hummingbird Network on Facebook, which is filled with caring individuals who will listen and help you find the resources you need.
As for me, while I still carry sadness from the experience, each day is a bit easier. Some moments are tougher than others, especially when I hear of someone with a due date close to what mine would have been. But I keep moving forward, because that’s what we all must do.
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Summary: The author shares her journey dealing with an ectopic pregnancy, expressing the emotional turmoil of losing a wanted pregnancy while navigating the medical decisions involved. She emphasizes the importance of support and community during such difficult times.