“Mommy’s Feelings Matter”: Guiding My Toddler in Understanding Emotions and Empathy

home insemination Kit

“Is Mommy happy?”

My 2-year-old, Lily, has recently taken to asking me this question whenever I show signs of stress or frustration, or when she does something that might make me upset. Initially, I was taken aback by her awareness. It made me a bit sad to realize she could sense my feelings and was concerned that her actions might be the cause of my unhappiness. In those early days, I would quickly plaster on a smile, mask my emotions, and cheerfully respond, “Yes, Mommy is happy! Mommy is always happy!” Naturally, this would lift her spirits, and she’d go back to her carefree adventures.

However, I soon noticed a pattern. When she inadvertently hurt her sister with a toy, she ignored her sister’s tears. She was reluctant to help me tidy up the mess she had created. And after not getting her way, she would throw a tantrum, complete with foot stomping and dramatic falls. Each time I attempted to address her behavior, she would look up at me with wide eyes and ask, “Is Mommy happy?”

Then came a moment of truth. After a particularly intense meltdown (on her part, not mine), I responded firmly, “No, Mommy is not happy right now!” Her little face fell, and I felt a pang of guilt. How do I convey to a toddler that while overall, yes, Mommy is happy, at this moment, I’m frustrated with what’s happening?

The reality is, moms have a wide range of feelings—sometimes we’re sad, angry, frustrated, or simply tired. Yet, these feelings don’t negate our happiness. Emotions are a part of life, and as a mom, I want Lily to understand how her actions impact others while also knowing we’re all responsible for our own feelings. I want her to cultivate empathy and be honest about emotions, so I must model that behavior myself.

Now, when she asks, “Is Mommy happy?” after she misbehaves or when the dog has once again chosen the floor as his bathroom, I respond with honesty. I say something like, “Yes, Mommy is happy! But I feel sad that you yelled at your sister,” or “Yes, Mommy is happy! But I’m also a bit frustrated that Max peed on the floor again, right after I cleaned it!” She usually replies, “Oh! Mommy (will) be fine,” and continues her playful antics.

By reassuring her of my baseline happiness while sharing my current feelings, I’m also helping myself gain perspective: this stress is temporary and not the end of the world. Happiness can coexist with frustration; it’s just how life works. “Yes, Mommy is happy, but she could really use a moment of peace and maybe a nice glass of wine right now!”

Mommy’s stressed, but still smiling.

For more on navigating parenting and emotions, check out this blog post. And when you’re exploring topics around home insemination, Make a Mom is a great resource for all things related to fertility. Additionally, MedlinePlus provides excellent information that can support your journey through pregnancy and beyond.

In summary, it’s crucial to teach our little ones about emotions and empathy. By doing so, we help them understand that feelings can change and that it’s okay to express them honestly.