5 Important Questions to Ask Your Expecting Friend (by Birth or Adoption)

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As a mom who welcomed my children through adoption, I often found myself on the sidelines during conversations that revolved around pregnancy. Topics like weight gain, birthing plans, and nursery themes didn’t quite resonate with me. While I was genuinely thrilled for my friends who were having babies the traditional way, I longed to be part of the discussions. My friends didn’t mean to exclude me; they just weren’t sure how to include me.

So, whether your friend is welcoming a new baby through birth or adoption, here are five thoughtful questions you can ask to help her feel supported and included:

1. How Are You Feeling?
   Checking in on your friend’s emotional and physical well-being is crucial. Moms by birth may face postpartum challenges, just as moms by adoption might experience post-adoption depression. If she shares any struggles, make sure to follow up with your next question.
2. How Can I Help?
   Instead of the usual “Let me know if you need anything,” consider offering specific assistance. If your friend is hesitant to ask for help, surprise her with a coffee delivery, offer to babysit, or prepare a meal for her family. Small gestures can make a big difference!
3. Would You Like Me to Host a Baby Shower?
   Every mom-to-be deserves a celebration, no matter how their baby is joining the family. Modern showers can be unique and fun, from co-ed gatherings to themed events. For moms by adoption, a post-baby celebration may be more fitting, so ask her what she prefers!
4. Have You Chosen a Name or Nursery Theme?
   Engage with your friend’s excitement by asking about her plans. This is a great chance to suggest a local pediatrician you trust, accompany her on a shopping trip for nursery items, or gift her a book on baby names. Whatever her choices may be, let her know you’re there to cheer her on.
5. What Are You Most Excited About?
   Every expecting mom faces challenges, whether it’s weight gain or the uncertainty of a due date. Help her shift focus to the positive aspects. If she’s looking forward to enjoying her favorite wine again, surprise her with a bottle to have ready for when she gets home. For a mom by adoption, a helpful resource like “What to Expect in the First Year” can ease those first-time parenting jitters.

Being a supportive friend means showing up not just in the initial days after the arrival of a little one but being there throughout the first year. Ask questions gently, provide honest responses, and always stand by your mom friend, even when she doesn’t explicitly ask for it.

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In summary, being there for your expecting friend—whether she’s welcoming a child through birth or adoption—means asking the right questions and offering genuine support. Let your friendship shine during this exciting time!