Someone once proclaimed, “I’m all about honesty with my kids, 101 percent.” Spoiler alert: that someone wasn’t me. You can judge my parenting all you want, but I confess—I tell my kids little fibs all the time. And no, I’m not just referring to the classic trio: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. I’m talking about full-on, no-holds-barred lies. Am I embarrassed? Not in the slightest. These little deceptions keep my sanity intact, save me time and money, and let’s be honest—sometimes it’s just fun to mess with them a bit. Here are my top seven:
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Your Face Will Freeze Like That
In a few years, my kiddos will get that their faces won’t actually freeze mid-meltdown. But for now, this little white lie has a solid chance of stopping their tears. -
A Fly Will Poop on Your Lip
This one is a classic passed down from my childhood. Whenever I’d pout, my mom warned me about the dangers of fly poop on my face. It may sound gross, but hey, it works wonders on my 4-year-old who’s notorious for sticking her bottom lip out. -
That’s Broken
Every time we pass one of those annoying automatic rides outside the supermarket, I claim it’s broken. Seriously, who has time to drop coins into a pony that jiggles for 18 seconds? I’m just trying to get my errands done. So when my kids ask to ride, I feign regret and say, “Sorry, sweetie, that’s out of order.” -
No, You Can’t Have a Bite. That’s Spicy.
This gem is for those moments when I don’t want to share my snacks. Sure, I usually have to split my treats, but some things like Klondike Bars are just too good to share. When caught, I simply tell my kids it’s too spicy for them. They’ll figure it out soon enough, but for now, it works like a charm. -
I’m Pooping
When I lock the bathroom door, it’s my only chance for some alone time. Let’s face it, I might actually just be scrolling through Pinterest or sneaking some chocolate. The kids believe my little fib about being in there for “personal reasons,” and I plan to keep it going as long as possible. -
If You Don’t Go to Sleep, Santa Won’t Come
What that really means is, “If you don’t go to sleep, Mommy and Daddy are going to enjoy some wine.” It’s code for “Let’s get you to bed so we can finally unwind and tackle the toy assembly!” But rest assured, Santa will show up regardless of how late the kids stay up. -
I’ll Take That iPad Away
I’m not afraid to admit that I sometimes use screens as a babysitter—okay, many times a week! When my boys start acting up, I threaten to take their iPads away. Sometimes I even pretend to reach for it. I just need them occupied long enough to dry my hair or get a moment of peace.
In all seriousness, while I may tell these little lies for my own sanity, I do believe in being truthful about the important stuff. But when it comes to bathroom breaks or sneaky snacks, a little creativity never hurt anyone!
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Summary
In the realm of parenting, a few little white lies can go a long way in maintaining sanity and keeping the peace. From claiming that a face will freeze mid-meltdown to pretending that the iPad is off-limits, these deceptions can help parents navigate daily challenges with humor and grace.