Why Family Dinners Aren’t Our Thing

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This is what dinnertime looks like at my place:

A delicious veggie lasagna is baking in the oven. But my kids are already starving, even though it’s only 3:30 p.m. (and yes, I fed them snacks just an hour earlier to stave off this exact issue). My oldest, Alex, is at the table, flipping through a comic book and asking for pasta, bread—basically anything white. Meanwhile, my little one, Mia, is begging for Goldfish or Pirate’s Booty—any salty snack will do. I can’t handle another round of hunger complaints, so I give Alex a small bowl of plain leftover spaghetti and pour Mia a handful of Goldfish.

As I chop red peppers for a salad, Mia’s eyes light up, and she demands a bowl of it, like, right now. I can’t say no to a budding veggie lover, so I hand her half a pepper. Just so you know, all this eating is happening on the floor. I serve her little bowls like I’m feeding a puppy. She tugs at my sweatshirt and pants adorably at my feet.

As 4 p.m. rolls around (our unofficial “dinnertime”), my husband, Jake, walks in, also hungry. The lasagna is finally ready, but as expected, Alex won’t touch it. However, he does want a smoothie made with banana, peanut butter, almond milk, and frozen spinach. Again, I can’t refuse a veggie lover, so I whip that up for him.

Now, it’s officially dinnertime, but neither child is really interested in eating. I serve Jake a plate of lasagna and start cleaning up. Naturally, Mia catches sight of the lasagna and only wants what’s on Daddy’s plate. Alex calls from the den asking for more pasta and a smoothie refill. The only silver lining? His polite “please” and “thank you, Mom!”

At no point has more than one family member sat at the table together, and no one has eaten simultaneously. I’ve prepared at least four different plates or bowls of food. An hour later, I sneak into the den and microwave myself a plate of lasagna.

Sounds a bit chaotic, right? Stressful and far from the ideal family meal. Honestly, if I’d read this before becoming a parent, I might have been horrified. I envisioned cooking for my kids, sitting together at the table, maybe saying a blessing, and enjoying laughter and conversation. Plus, I thought it would provide structured family time.

But somehow, that vision never materialized. Maybe it will in the future when the kids are older. Occasionally, we do have a more traditional meal together, but more often than not, it looks like this.

And you know what? I’m totally fine with it.

For one, while I want my kids to understand structure and boundaries, I also want them to connect with their hunger. Sure, meal schedules can create a sense of routine, but given the obesity crisis in our country, I’d rather encourage my kids to listen to their bodies. So while I aim for structured mealtimes, I’ll never tell them not to eat when they’re hungry or to keep eating when they’re full. Kids naturally eat smaller, more frequent meals than adults anyway (their little tummies are the size of their tiny fists!).

I also empathize with their pickiness since I’ve always been particular about what I eat. Why should I expect my kids to chow down on something that doesn’t appeal to them? I wouldn’t do that.

Most importantly, as long as my kids get the nutrition they need throughout the day, I’m good with it not all happening at once. If they munch on greens a few times a week, I’m satisfied. They might not be interested in protein during our “mealtimes,” but later, they’ll devour ten nuggets or a giant bowl of nuts. I try to look at their nutrition in terms of the entire day, or even the week.

Of course, it can be a bit overwhelming for me, being the meal planner and organizer. I used to complain about it a lot, and I still do. But I’ve come to realize that part of my struggle came from comparing our mealtimes to an unrealistic ideal.

Kids will be kids, and they’re only little for a short time. Life can be chaotic, especially during mealtimes. I don’t know a single family that has perfectly calm dinners where everyone sits still, eats balanced meals, and there are no arguments or substitutions. My approach may be a bit disorganized, but let’s be real—feeding kids is rarely straightforward.

As my children grow, I’ve found that we’re able to put a few plates on the table, and more often, we sit down together to eat. Jake and I exchange incredulous smiles during these rare moments. But I know that as they get older, these opportunities will become more frequent.

One day, I’ll probably miss those wild evenings spent feeding my little ones five different meals at varying times. I’ll miss their little hands shoveling spaghetti into their mouths, their requests for one more bowl of “yo-yurt,” and just the sheer joy of watching them be their sticky, silly, hungry selves. You know what? I already miss it.

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Summary:

Dinnertime in my house is anything but traditional. With my kids often requesting different foods and rarely sitting at the table together, it can feel chaotic. However, I believe it’s important for them to listen to their hunger cues and eat what they enjoy, even if it doesn’t fit the ideal family meal I once envisioned. As they grow, I cherish the moments we do sit down together, but I also appreciate the wild and messy mealtimes we share now.