I’m Still Speaking Up About Miscarriage, And Here’s Why

Last month, I shared my experiences and insights from facing three miscarriages within six months. While many responses were supportive and kind, I also encountered some less-than-sympathetic remarks, particularly on social media. Generally, I avoid engaging in comment sections, but the urge to respond was strong. So, let’s dive a little deeper into the topic of miscarriage, the role of the internet, and how we can better support those navigating this experience.

Understanding Medical Advice

First off, let’s remember that you’re not a doctor. It’s common for well-meaning folks to offer unsolicited medical advice online. Some commenters suggested that I hadn’t given my body enough time to heal, while others insisted that I didn’t need fertility treatments since I could get pregnant. One even claimed it was likely an autoimmune issue and asserted that I must have lupus. Here’s the thing: unless you are a qualified medical professional—preferably a reproductive endocrinologist who has reviewed my medical history—please refrain from diagnosing my situation. I appreciate your intentions, and sharing personal experiences can be helpful, but your unsolicited opinions about my health are not what I need right now.

Validating Feelings

Additionally, it’s important to understand that experiencing a miscarriage does not invalidate someone’s feelings, even if they have had an abortion. In one comment thread, a woman argued that her friend didn’t have the right to mourn a miscarriage because she had previously terminated a pregnancy. Let’s set the record straight: it’s 2023, and abortion is a legal choice women make for various personal reasons that are not up for debate. I, too, made that difficult choice years ago and it was incredibly challenging. That decision doesn’t lessen my right to grieve my losses. And to the commenter who suggested that a D&C for a missed miscarriage was denying God’s chance for a miracle—let’s just say, that’s an opinion best kept to yourself.

The Nature of Grief

Grief is a personal journey, and it’s essential to allow others to express theirs. I encountered comments implying that I should feel grateful for being able to conceive or that my grief was unwarranted because others have it worse. While I acknowledge that there are certainly more severe hardships, that doesn’t strip someone of their right to mourn. Grief is relative, and everyone deserves to feel what they feel without judgment.

Respecting Emotional Processing

Finally, it’s crucial to recognize that you don’t get to dictate how someone else processes their emotions. Some commenters dismissed my feelings of shame, claiming it was silly. But grief doesn’t follow a logic we can easily understand; it’s messy and unpredictable. Those experiencing loss—whether from miscarriage or any other circumstance—have every right to their emotions, no matter how illogical they may seem to outsiders.

Key Takeaway

The key takeaway? If someone you know is dealing with a miscarriage, the best support you can offer is to listen, validate their feelings, and avoid trying to “fix” their pain. And please, keep your judgments to yourself. These principles can apply to any personal situation you encounter online or in real life.

Resources for Further Learning

If you want to learn more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource: Resolve. For additional insights, you might find this post on intracervical insemination interesting. Also, for those considering fertility options, Make a Mom is a great authority on this topic.

In summary, miscarriage is a deeply personal experience that often comes with a spectrum of emotions. We need to create space for these feelings and support one another without judgment or unsolicited advice.