The 5 Stages of a Toddler’s Bedtime Madness

Ah, bedtime—a moment parents look forward to for a taste of freedom once the little ones are finally asleep. But let’s be real: the “bedtime routine” can feel like an Olympic sport! Who needs a gym when you have a toddler to wrangle at night? If you’re new to the bedtime struggle or just want to commiserate, check out this guide to the “Five Stages of a Toddler’s Bedtime Routine.” Keep in mind, every experience is unique!

Stage 1: Dinner Time

Dinner is where the evening chaos begins. It’s that magical moment when everyone under three suddenly decides they despise everything and start crying for no apparent reason (though, let’s face it, some adults under 40 might feel the same way!). During this phase, you’ll need to navigate the meal with as much finesse as possible. You might find yourself negotiating with your tiny human to eat the food you just spent forever preparing. It often feels like you’re a beleaguered lawyer trying to secure the freedom of an innocent soul—except you’re actually just trying to get them to eat a few bites of cold chicken and maybe a green bean. Just a little lick would do! Remember, parents say toddlers won’t starve themselves, so hang in there!

Stage 2: Bath Time

Bath time is often met with fierce resistance. Your toddler might protest all the way to the bathroom, but once they’re in the tub, it’s suddenly a blast! Then comes the hair washing—cue the tantrums! After the shampoo is rinsed away, they might love you again. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, you’ll need to coax them out of the bath, where they’ll likely want to stay forever, despite their earlier protests. Pulling a slippery, wriggly toddler from the tub while they fake-cry is a workout all on its own. And applying lotion to a toddler in a meltdown? Yeah, not quite the serene scenes you see in commercials.

Stage 3: ‘Milk & Mickey’ Chill Time

In our home, this stage involves my toddler sipping on milk while enjoying a quick episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It’s a nice way to wind down, or at least that’s the plan—turning off the TV is another battle entirely! Find something that calms your little whirlwind and make it part of your routine.

Stage 4: Toothbrushing Time

Tooth brushing can be a challenge. Expect your toddler to resist vehemently, pushing the brush away and clamping their mouth shut. They might even engage in a light-switch game or cover the mirror in toothpaste! After you brush their teeth—hopefully getting 95% of the job done—they’ll want to take over, declaring “My do it!” But once you take the brush away, prepare for a meltdown. It’s a sticky, minty mess of a cycle. You might want to consider assigning this phase to your partner. That’s what I do—let them handle the chaos!

Stage 5: Book Time

Ah, the final frontier: storytime. It often goes something like this:

Toddler: “Books! Books!”
Parent: “Okay, just two books.”
Toddler: “No, five books!”
Parent: “How about three?”
Toddler: “Nooooo! Red Truck, Bad Kitty, and Trucks!”

And so it goes, a tug-of-war over bedtime stories that can lead to all sorts of shenanigans, like somersaulting in bed or making pig noises! As you leave the room, expect a sweet moment where they say, “I love you, Mommy.” Your heart melts, and you might just steal a few extra cuddles—just know that can reset the whole bedtime process!

So, good luck, fellow parents! Remember, you’re not alone in this wild journey. My tired heart is with you from 7 to 9 p.m. Oh, look—it’s almost bedtime! Thank the heavens!

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In summary, the bedtime routine for toddlers is a whirlwind of emotions and antics, but it’s all part of the adventure of parenting. Embrace the chaos and cherish those sweet moments!