I’m Choosing Not to Have Kids — And That’s Totally Okay!

home insemination Kit

From the time I was little, I’ve firmly believed that parenthood isn’t for me. Baby dolls always gave me the creeps, and real babies? Well, they just seem like tiny, wailing little aliens to me. Whenever I shared my feelings with my parents, they’d respond with, “You’ll come around eventually.” But here I am at 25, still confident in my decision.

Children have never had the same charm for me as they do for many others. Sure, I adore animals, but human infants? They seem like a lot of noise and mess with no guarantee of appreciation in return. The thought of navigating the complexities of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting feels like a massive gamble — especially when the odds of raising a child who may not even like you are so uncertain.

Beyond that, I know deep down that I wouldn’t excel as a parent. I struggle with the idea of being tied down to someone else’s needs. After hosting friends for a weekend, I breathe a sigh of relief when they leave. Honestly, I even found myself annoyed at my gerbils for their nighttime antics. Consider it selfish, but I thrive on the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I’m passionate about my career, often dedicating nights and weekends to it — and that time is precious to me, like my own little baby (minus the crying and diaper changes).

Despite my clear stance, people often assume I must love kids. Friends casually ask me questions like, “What names do you have picked for your future kids?” or “How many do you want?” The shock on their faces when I respond with “none” is something to behold. And then there are parents whose kids invade my personal space on public transport, smiling as if I should feel honored by their germ-covered hands. It’s hard not to think that these expectations wouldn’t be as strong if I were a man.

I’ve often hoped that the men I date won’t make the assumption that all women have a natural affinity for kids. In the past, I didn’t consider my lack of interest in children when dating; I thought maybe I’d change my mind or that my partner would feel differently. But after watching friends’ relationships falter over disagreements about kids, I’ve realized it’s a waste of time to date someone who wants them. I’d just be delaying an inevitable breakup.

While discussing kids isn’t exactly a first-date topic, some dating apps make it easier by allowing users to indicate their views on having children in their profiles. I haven’t yet figured out a smooth way to broach this subject in real life, but I promise to share if I crack the code!

There have been fleeting thoughts about compromising if I find my ideal partner who insists on having kids, but I’ve dismissed that idea. I can’t sacrifice my comfort for someone else’s desires. Even if I were to consider adoption, I still wouldn’t make a good parent. And that’s okay — I have plenty of other skills, like acing that game where someone shouts out a word and you have to sing a song that includes it.

A conversation with a friend about her challenging relationship with her mother drove home the point that parenthood should be a genuine choice. She shared, “I don’t think my mom ever really wanted kids; she just did it because that’s what people do. Now she resents me for it.” I refuse to be the kind of mother who resents her children — so for me, that means not becoming a mother at all.

Hopefully, as more people choose not to have children, it becomes clearer that a fulfilling life doesn’t hinge on starting a family. The world has plenty of children already, so those who truly love kids — the ones who enjoyed babysitting and dreamed of being teachers — should be the ones having them. That’s the kind of admirable passion I respect but can’t relate to.

As for me, I’ve successfully raised three gerbils to adulthood, so I think it might be time for a cat. I wouldn’t mind being the fun aunt, either. You get to leave the kids with their parents after an enjoyable visit and still focus on your work with a cat curled up beside you. But parenting is a lifelong commitment, and it’s because I respect that responsibility that I know it’s not for everyone. And it certainly isn’t for me.

If you’re interested in exploring more about parenting options, check out this insightful post on home insemination. For those considering self-insemination, Make a Mom offers a great resource for at-home kits. Additionally, Medical News Today is an excellent platform for all things related to pregnancy and fertility.

In summary, I’ve made the conscious decision not to have kids, and that’s perfectly okay. Parenthood is a profound commitment that not everyone is suited for, including me. I cherish my independence and focus on my career, and I’m content with the idea of being a cool aunt or perhaps a cat owner instead.