There’s this version of me that I recognize as my true self—the one I see each morning in the mirror, eyes still heavy with sleep, a face that reflects the reality of my day-to-day life. Then there’s the polished persona I’ve created, the edited self that emerges from the chaos, carefully hiding the signs of fatigue and stress with a friendly smile. This is the side that interacts with the world outside my home.
Since stepping into the role of a mom, I’ve felt an intense urge to project an image of joy, success, and perfect parenting, even if that’s not what’s happening behind closed doors. This dissonance has been weighing on me, so I think it’s time to share some of the contrasts between my edited self and my authentic self:
Contrasts Between My Edited Self and My True Self
- Diet: My edited self praises the benefits of a colorful, nutritious diet filled with fruits, veggies, and fancy grains I can barely pronounce. In reality, my true self sometimes gets by on a diet of chocolate, coffee, and whatever cookies happen to be around.
- Parenting Techniques: My edited self dives into articles about peaceful parenting, confidently proclaiming my commitment to modern parenting techniques. However, my true self loses patience quickly during a tantrum, often sounding more like a frustrated parent than the calm guide I aspire to be.
- Social Interactions: When meeting other parents, my edited self is engaging and cheerful, chatting effortlessly at the playground or school events. Yet, my true self feels like the awkward kid trying to fit in, convinced that everyone around me is much cooler.
- Germ Anxiety: In terms of germs, my edited self adopts a relaxed approach, remaining calm when my child picks up a gummy bear from the gym floor. My real self, however, spirals into panic mode, frantically Googling the worst-case scenarios.
- Grief: My edited self appears to have coped well with losing my mom, portraying an image of strength. But my true self longs for her guidance, knowing that no amount of time will truly heal that ache.
- Identity Post-Children: While my edited self seems to lead a fulfilling life beyond parenting, my true self grapples with reconstructing my identity post-children and worries about what will be left as they grow more independent.
- Presence: I may appear to engage in enriching activities with my kids, from library story times to arts and crafts. In truth, my real self often finds it hard to focus, distractedly checking my phone or to-do list instead of being present.
- Self-Forgiveness: I readily advise friends to forgive themselves for any parenting slip-ups, but when it comes to my own mistakes, my real self can be harsh and unforgiving.
Though it may feel simpler to navigate life as a more polished version of myself, I’m starting to see that we lose something vital by keeping our true selves hidden. Embracing our imperfections and challenges can foster deeper connections with others, reminding us that we all share the same struggles.
We all deserve support and understanding, which is easier to give and receive when we show up as our authentic selves. Ultimately, we all love our kids fiercely and can’t imagine life without them—that connection is what remains genuinely real.
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In summary, while it’s tempting to present a perfected version of ourselves, embracing our true selves—flaws and all—can help us build stronger connections with others and navigate the complexities of parenting together.