Sex as a Bargaining Chip for Housework? Ladies, Please No

home insemination Kit

“Is there anything more attractive than a guy tackling the dishes?”
“My partner took care of the kids while I shopped. Guess I owe him a little something later!”
“Seeing my guy vacuum gets me all worked up.”

Wait, what? Why do I keep hearing remarks like this? It seems as though everywhere I turn, there’s chatter about how sexy it is when husbands do chores, with an expectation that wives should reward them sexually in return. I can’t wrap my head around it.

When I see my partner washing dishes, I think absolutely nothing. That’s just part of living together. We shouldn’t feel compelled to react with anything more than mild indifference. It should be, “Oh look, another adult doing their part. Let’s continue with our day,” and definitely not “Hooray, the dishes are done! Someone get the confetti!”

Just the other day, my partner left a pile of his dirty dishes in the sink. What was he expecting? The Dish Fairy? I doubt he thinks I should be responsible for cleaning up after him—at least, I hope not! Sure, I could have taken a few minutes to load the dishwasher, but instead, I texted him to say I wasn’t going to wash his dishes. Call me a fierce woman or a petty nag, I don’t mind. The point is, this is not about sex.

Okay, maybe it is a little. When I saw the dirty dishes, I thought: Wow, this really doesn’t make me feel like being intimate with him. It’s easy to see why society has come to associate a husband’s contribution to housework with desirability, but we’re missing the mark.

There’s a concept in math called necessary and sufficient conditions. When men started getting involved in household chores, women may have gotten so relieved that we began to think we should reward them with sex. Over time, it morphed into a twisted equation:

• Husband does his share = Husband gets laid
• Husband doesn’t do his share = Husband might still get laid

This is just plain silly. Housework is a necessary but not sufficient condition:

• Husband does his share = Husband might get laid, but not because of the chores
• Husband doesn’t do his share = Wife’s interest evaporates

Even if my partner did the dishes, it wouldn’t make me feel like jumping into bed with him. Dishes just aren’t my thing.

Supporters of this “Housework Equals Horny Wives” theory might ask, “What if he did even more? What if he swept, vacuumed, and cooked dinner? Doesn’t he deserve a reward?” Nope, still no. Sorry, but housework doesn’t equate to attraction for me.

What I really think is that housework doesn’t lead to romance. In fact, neglecting it is more likely to turn me off. This is a crucial distinction to make.

If I were a guy, I’d be offended by the idea of sex as a reward for doing chores. It would imply that I need sexual motivation to complete basic tasks that anyone should do out of common decency. I would want my partner to find me desirable for all the non-housework reasons: maybe fixing a car or saving a kitten from a tree. Sure, I’d want to help out around the house, but sex should just be about connection—no extra chores needed.

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In summary, the association of housework with sexual rewards is misguided. Chores should be a shared responsibility, with no strings attached. Attraction should come from deeper connections, not from a list of completed tasks.