“Just be thankful you have two healthy kids.”
“Well, you can always try for a girl.”
“Gender is just a label anyway. Just enjoy your children, no matter their parts.”
“It’s unfair to your sons to wish for a daughter.”
These are just a few of the comments I get when I even hint at feeling a little sad about not having a daughter.
I have two amazing sons, and I’ve decided not to have more kids. This is my family, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. My love for my boys is immense, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They are perfect just as they are, and I wouldn’t want them to be any different.
Honestly, I shouldn’t have to justify my feelings. It would be pretty awful to wish my sons were anyone other than who they are. I recognize that gender can be fluid, and who knows what the future may hold? My boys may identify differently as they grow up, and I’m here for that journey.
But let’s be real for a moment. I’m not talking about what might happen later; I’m talking about how I feel. Sometimes—just sometimes—I find myself wishing I had a daughter. It’s a feeling that comes from deep within, and it’s perfectly valid.
I know I’m not alone in this. Many parents experience gender disappointment, yet there seems to be a stigma around discussing it. Whether you’re a mom of all girls wishing for a boy or a mom of all boys wishing for a girl, your feelings are real and completely normal.
Most days, I’m too busy with the whirlwind of parenting to dwell on the absence of a daughter. The roughhousing and playful chaos are part of our lives, and I embrace that. But there are moments—like when I see a mother and daughter bonding at the park—when I feel a pang of longing. Imagining what it would be like to share those experiences can be tough.
And let’s be honest, some thoughts linger longer than others. The idea of guiding a daughter through her teenage years or watching her become a mother herself can be bittersweet for me. Those feelings can sting, but I’m an adult, and I know how to manage my emotions. I have the right to feel this way without anyone else’s judgment.
So, to address your concerns:
Yes, I’m grateful for my two healthy children—every single day.
No, I’m not planning on trying for a girl. I’m done having kids, and even if I were to consider it, the notion of “trying” for a specific sex is just not realistic.
Yes, I understand that gender is a social construct, but we live in a world that assigns significance to it, so my feelings are natural.
And wishing for a daughter doesn’t diminish my love for my sons; they are completely separate feelings.
I wish we lived in a world where parents could share their complex emotions without fear of judgment. Too often, I find myself holding back, worrying that expressing my feelings might be seen as selfish. It’s exhausting to feel like I have to hide my thoughts about this.
So, here I am: A proud boy-mom who loves her sons deeply and sometimes wishes for a daughter. It’s just part of life, and it’s okay. No guilt, no shame—just real, honest feelings.
If you’re navigating similar feelings, know that you’re not alone. You can check out this excellent resource for more insights on pregnancy and home insemination here. And if you’re interested in learning more about your fertility journey, you might find this article on couples’ fertility journey helpful. For more information on managing feelings about family dynamics, you can also read our privacy policy here.
In summary, it’s perfectly normal to have mixed emotions about your family’s makeup. Embrace your feelings, and remember that you’re not alone in this journey.