Why the Notion of ‘Purity’ Can Be Misleading When Discussing Sex with Children

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A friend recently asked me, “How can I teach my kids about sex so they remain ‘pure’ until marriage? Any tips?” This question made me reflect on the concept of purity, especially in light of real-life experiences like that of 14-year-old Sarah Thompson, who was kidnapped in 2002. During her harrowing experience, she was subjected to repeated assaults and later described how she had been taught that being sexually active made her “used,” akin to a piece of chewed gum.

This perspective can be devastating. Sarah shared how she felt stripped of her worth, believing that once someone loses their “purity,” they become less valuable. The unfortunate truth is that sexual assault is not as rare as we wish it were, affecting many individuals throughout their lives. When children are taught that their self-worth is tied to their sexual experiences, it can leave them vulnerable, especially in a world where such threats exist. While we hope our children will never face these harsh realities, we also need to prepare them for the possibility of making choices about their bodies.

Even those who remain abstinent can struggle with the heavy burden of purity culture. It can be psychologically challenging to transition from “You must stay pure!” to “Now it’s alright to have sex!” As noted in a poignant article by Jenna Martinez, some individuals find themselves overwhelmed and confused after their first sexual experiences, feeling as if they’ve lost a part of their identity.

So, what’s the best approach?

Providing children with age-appropriate, accurate sex education is crucial. For instance, teaching younger kids the correct names for body parts helps establish a foundation for healthy discussions about consent and boundaries. As they grow, continue to engage with them honestly. Instead of framing sex as “impure,” consider it like driving—a fun, fulfilling activity that comes with responsibilities and risks. You want to ensure they know they can always come to you for support, regardless of the choices they make.

For more insights into navigating parenting and sex education, check out our other blog on home insemination at Home Insemination Kit. Resources like March of Dimes can also provide excellent guidance on pregnancy and related topics. Additionally, if you’re interested in enhancing fertility, Fertility Booster for Men is a great resource.

In Summary

While the idea of “purity” may seem like a noble goal, it can lead to feelings of shame and worthlessness. Instead, fostering an open dialogue about sex as a natural part of life will better equip your children to navigate their own experiences in a healthy way.