6 Reasons Why Selling Girl Scout Cookies is Like Being a Drug Dealer

When the New Year rolls around, it signals the start of one of the most awaited events of the year: Girl Scout Cookie sales. I didn’t have the chance to be a Girl Scout as a kid, so when my daughter, Emma, was old enough to join, I jumped right in. I was thrilled to see her in her cute little vest, badges proudly displayed, setting off to sell cookies. I even envisioned her pushing our red wagon, filled to the brim with boxes, as we made our rounds.

However, I quickly learned that the cookie-selling game is way more intense than I anticipated. Other moms who had once been friendly turned into fierce competitors, all driven to ensure their girls had the highest sales. When I proudly announced that Emma had sold 102 boxes, I was met with raised eyebrows and tales of others racking up over 350. That’s when it hit me: selling Girl Scout cookies is a lot like being a small-time drug dealer. Here’s why:

1. The Pressure is Real

From the get-go, you’re warned repeatedly to turn in all the cash to “the Cookie Mom.” When you sign that pledge, it feels like you’re signing your life away. I’m not sure if the consequences are collections or something worse, but the anxiety is palpable.

2. Respect the Territory

You don’t just waltz into another Cookie Mom’s territory. She’s been working her patch for years, and to step on her turf is to invite trouble.

3. Know Your Product

You better understand your cookies inside and out. Thin Mints? Yes, they’re vegan, but they’re also in high demand, and the price has gone up slightly. Get them while you can, because they won’t last long!

4. Secretive Meetings

You find yourself telling people about your cookie stash and arranging clandestine meetings in parking lots, like you’re setting up a deal. Before long, you’ll be known as “the Cookie Lady,” and the word will spread about your delicious goods.

5. Temptation is Everywhere

You vow not to touch the cookies before they’re sold, but when that first box arrives, it’s hard to resist. You might find yourself sneaking a few while hiding in the closet, which leads to a serious realization about your cookie habits.

6. Sampling Works

Offering a free sample is the key to growing your customer base. Once someone tries a cookie, they’re hooked and often come back for more, sometimes indulging in multiple boxes at once!

So, if you ever see a friend or colleague crouched down in a car with tinted windows, don’t jump to conclusions. They might just be getting their Girl Scout cookie fix before heading home. And if you’re looking for a dealer, well, I’m here for you—just got a pager and I’m available day and night!

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In summary, being a Girl Scout Cookie Mom is an unexpectedly intense experience, filled with competition, secrecy, and a fair share of temptation. But at the end of the day, it’s all about supporting our daughters and enjoying those delicious cookies.