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Dear Ovaries,
It’s me, your friendly Brain, here with an important announcement on behalf of the entire body.
First off, a huge thank you! You’ve truly excelled in your role in the continuation of our species. We all appreciate your pivotal contributions that led to the arrival of our little bundles of joy, Baby 1.0 and Baby 2.0. Your enthusiastic proclamation of “I need a baby!” was heard loud and clear, and you were absolutely right—an addition to our family was indeed necessary.
Thanks to your efforts, we’ve tackled the baby-making process with the kind of efficiency that would have secured us a spot as top-notch 19th-century farmers, churning out kids to help on the rutabaga farm. But before you pop those eggs in celebration, I must inform you that, unlike those farmers, we are done with the baby phase.
Following the birth of Baby 2.0, I’m issuing a cease-and-desist order regarding all baby-related activities from your end. No more reminders about the cuteness of babies or the urge to coo at every newborn in sight. The Nose is on board with this plan—aside from Baby 2.0, any baby sniffing is strictly prohibited. And if, by chance, the delightful scent of baby heads wafts our way, we’ll be taking immediate action to clear the air.
Let’s not forget about your poor neighbor, The Uterus. Your excitement has left her in a constant state of readiness for weeks now, and she’s officially requested your eviction. This request is currently under review.
If you think you can plead your case by pointing to our heavily pregnant state, think again. The Ears are partially deaf from the relentless cries of Baby 1.0 and are not interested in hearing your excuses. They’ve filed a formal complaint, and if Baby 2.0 turns out to be just as loud, they’ll be seeking your removal.
We want to acknowledge your contributions, but we need to be clear: we are done having babies. Any future pregnancy scares will not be tolerated and will only lead to further action against you.
The Heart, however, is still your biggest fan and would happily welcome more children—along with a few rescue pets—if given the chance. Thankfully, I won the coin toss, which means I get to sound the bell and announce the official end of our reproductive endeavors. Ding dong.
You will be allowed to continue releasing eggs monthly until you eventually shrivel up and become the wrinkly remnants of your former selves. In the spirit of appreciation, we’ll provide you with participation trophies for your efforts in growing our family. But unless there’s an apocalypse or a need to colonize another planet, your desires should remain unvoiced. Remember, less is more.
We appreciate your understanding and cooperation in this matter.
Warm regards,
The Brain
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In summary, this humorous letter from the Brain to the Ovaries conveys gratitude for their past contributions while firmly stating that the family is complete and no further baby-making will occur. The message emphasizes the seriousness of the situation while keeping a lighthearted tone.