Navigating life as a mom of a tween girl is definitely not for the faint-hearted. Most days, I feel like a programmed robot, endlessly repeating the same phrases, only to be met with exasperated sighs and dramatic eye rolls. Each afternoon, I find myself holding my breath as she walks through the door from school, cautiously selecting my words to assess her mood.
Her favorite pastime seems to involve holding an iPad just inches from her face, with headphones securely fastened to her ears. Just last night, she bumped straight into my partner, despite his waving and calling her name in a futile attempt to avoid the collision—she insisted she “didn’t see him.”
Recently, she has taken to calling me “Mother,” skipping the more relatable “Mom.” When she does respond, it’s usually with a curt, “I know, Mother.” Sometimes I get this as I’m in mid-sentence—perhaps she’s honing her psychic skills for a future career as a fortune teller.
Most of our conversations revolve around me trying to teach her some life lessons (like pleading with her not to leave seven drawers ajar every time she leaves a room) and her retorting with, “I know, Mother.” This has left me to interpret what she really means behind those words. Here are some possibilities I’ve come up with:
- I know more than you.
- You’re clueless.
- I’m not really listening, so I have no idea what you just said.
- I want my friend to spend the night, so I’m pretending to agree.
- Your mouth is moving, but all I hear is “blah, blah, blah, back in my day, blah.”
- I’m the only one among my friends without a phone/TV in my room/life purpose/voting rights/car, even though I can’t drive for another three years.
- Instead of cleaning my room, I crammed all my clothes—clean and dirty—into a bin under my bed.
- I’m refusing to do whatever you just asked, but since I wasn’t paying attention, it’s a mystery if it will get done by chance.
- Why are you so worked up?
- I really don’t get it.
- You have no idea what I’m going through.
- No one gets me.
- You’re so embarrassing.
- If I do what you want, will you buy me a new sweater?
- I said I’d do it, but I’m way too tired from binging Netflix to actually follow through.
- I promise I don’t have any homework.
- What are you even talking about?
- I’m feeling down.
- I’m really frustrated.
- I love you.
It feels like just yesterday she was glued to my side, eager to climb on my lap and share her secrets. Now, she seems determined to avoid me. These days, I’m desperate to connect with her on any level, so items 18 and 20 are more of a hopeful wish than an actual guess. If I listen closely, I can almost hear her saying it, even if she’s rolling her eyes in typical tween fashion at the same time.
For those navigating similar waters, check out this insightful post on home insemination techniques. Also, Make a Mom provides a comprehensive guide on at-home insemination kits, and for anyone interested in pregnancy resources, the Cleveland Clinic’s podcast on IVF and fertility preservation is an excellent resource.
Summary
Surviving the tween years with a daughter can feel like a never-ending cycle of confusion and eye rolls. This humorous exploration reveals the hidden meanings behind her responses, highlighting the challenges of communication during this transitional phase, while also providing useful links for those interested in home insemination and related resources.