My son just celebrated his 5th birthday, a milestone he truly grasped this year. He was buzzing with excitement, fully aware that he was no longer a 4-year-old. I can’t say I feel the same thrill about my own birthdays!
“Am I a big boy now, Mommy?” he asked, his eyes wide with anticipation.
“Yes, sweetheart, you’re big,” I reassured him.
A few days later, while we were out running errands, we were in line at the deli when a woman flashed us a warm smile and inquired about his age.
“I’m 5!” he proudly declared, in the exuberant manner that only a freshly minted 5-year-old can muster.
The woman turned to me with a puzzled expression. “Is he really 5?” she asked.
I nodded, not considering it a big deal that she wanted to confirm his age. After all, when my daughter was in school, she had a quirky habit of claiming she was 27. Kids, right?
“Wow. But he’s so tiny,” she said, playfully ruffling his hair. “Doesn’t your Mommy feed you enough?” Although her tone was light-hearted, her words stung.
Yes, I know my son is small. I realize she meant no harm and wasn’t intending to critique my parenting skills. She was merely stating the obvious, but it still felt like a jab.
We collected our groceries and moved on, but my son was unusually quiet, not engaging with other shoppers as he usually did. “What’s wrong, buddy?” I asked.
“Mommy, you said I was big,” he replied with a hint of disappointment.
He had a valid point. I had been emphasizing how grown-up he was, only for that confidence to be undermined by a stranger’s comment. How do I even respond to that?
At 5, Kyle is about the size of a tall 2-year-old. He fits into size 2T pants around the waist, though they’re a tad short. Sure, you could say he’s like a petite 3-year-old, but you get the idea. He’s little.
Despite his size, he’s a healthy kid, though his early life was far from ideal. Born with complex digestive issues and orphaned shortly after birth, his medical and nutritional care during his formative years was less than stellar. We adopted him just after his 3rd birthday, and he was severely malnourished when we met. The past two years have been about nourishing him and helping him catch up.
He is small, perhaps a result of his rocky start or genetics from his biological parents, whose details remain a mystery. Maybe he’ll have a growth spurt next month and tower over his classmates—who knows?
While he doesn’t even register on the growth charts for his age, he’s holding his own. I spent the first few months after bringing him home adding heavy cream and butter to his meals to boost calorie intake, worrying if he was getting enough nutrients. Despite his challenging beginnings, he’s thriving, growing, and healthy—just still small. Yes, I know he’s small.
Every time someone asks how old Kyle is, I brace myself for the inevitable “Wow, really? He’s such a little guy,” or “Gee, I thought he was younger.” As he grows older, he’s more capable of understanding these comments about his body, making it harder for me to brush them off. I try to pump him up with encouragement about his uniqueness, but it’s becoming more frequent that I find myself giving him pep talks about the differences he’ll encounter in life, all thanks to the innocent remarks of well-meaning strangers.
If Kyle were chubby, would people make similar comments? Would they say things like “Wow, that’s a hefty one you’ve got there” or “What are you feeding him?” Fat-shaming and body image are hot topics these days. A quick search online reveals countless articles on teaching kids that their worth isn’t tied to their appearance, emphasizing that what their bodies can do is far more important than how they look.
But does that only apply to those who are overweight? While it’s generally considered rude to comment on someone’s weight if they’re too large, pointing out that someone is too skinny seems to be fair game. In reality, it’s not acceptable to comment on anyone’s body, regardless of size or shape.
I get it: my kid is small, but he’s also strong. His size doesn’t define his abilities—he can run, climb, and kick a ball like a champ (although he claims picking up his toys is “too hard” and makes him tired). Will he one day be the tallest in his class? Perhaps. At 5, there’s so much potential still in store for him. Whether he becomes a star athlete or an acclaimed jockey, I just want him to be a happy, well-adjusted person. His future isn’t limited by his height.
Yes, I know my son is small. So please, keep comments about his body—and anyone else’s body— to yourself, thank you very much.
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Summary
The article discusses the author’s experiences with her son, Kyle, who is small for his age. It highlights the impact of comments from strangers on a child’s self-esteem, the challenges of parenting a child with a difficult start in life, and the importance of encouraging children regardless of their size. The author emphasizes that body image comments, whether about being too small or too large, should be avoided to foster a positive self-image.