When you find out you’re expecting, you quickly realize that Hollywood has a pretty skewed view of pregnancy. In films, it’s portrayed as a magical journey where your belly magically pops out and—voilà!—a baby appears after a few minutes of dramatic breathing. But let’s be real. Pregnancy is more than just a bulging belly; it’s an all-encompassing experience that messes with your body and mind. Yes, you’ll have cravings for pickles at odd hours, experience some physical changes, and maybe even be tempted to punch the next person who touches your stomach. But there’s a lot more that no one, not even the internet, tells you.
1. Get Ready for a Mucus Party.
Remember how kids are always digging for gold in their noses? You’ll find yourself doing the same. During pregnancy, your body produces a surplus of mucus, leading to boogers that could star in a low-budget horror flick. If you have toddlers, forget about scolding them for picking their noses. Just hope they can hold it together in public places.
2. Weird Dreams Will Become Your New Normal.
Prepare yourself for nightly adventures that defy logic. One time, while pregnant with my second child, I dreamt that I was back in high school, failing a course taught by a famous author. These dreams will leave you waking up in a panic, questioning your sanity and the state of the universe.
3. Stock Up on Undies.
Just because you’re not menstruating doesn’t mean you can ignore your underwear drawer. You might think you’ll get a break from those monthly surprises, but you won’t. You’ll go through more pairs of underwear than you can imagine. Pregnancy websites like to sugarcoat it, calling it “increased discharge,” but trust me, you’ll want to invest in some new unmentionables from brands like Victoria’s Secret.
4. The Nesting Instinct is Real—And Intense.
They say you’ll feel a rush of motivation to prepare for your baby, but they don’t warn you that this “nesting instinct” can feel like you’ve just chugged three energy drinks. You’ll become a whirlwind of cleaning and organizing, fueled by an unstoppable urge to get things done. Just don’t be surprised if you accidentally drop baby furniture on your foot while trying to rearrange your living room for the fifth time.
5. Prepare for Aches and Pains.
Yes, your hips will widen and your feet will ache, but don’t forget about your hands and wrists. As your pregnancy progresses, you might find yourself battling carpal tunnel syndrome, making sleep a bit of a challenge. And while some might say to avoid pain relievers like Tylenol, don’t hesitate to take care of yourself—you’ve been through enough!
6. Weight Comments are Inevitable.
Get ready for unsolicited remarks about your weight. People will ask when you’re due, and if your answer isn’t just right, you’ll be judged as either too big or too small. During my last pregnancy, I looked like I was about to pop long before I was actually due. One mom even gasped when I told her I was only 13 weeks along. Next time, I suggest saying you’re not pregnant—just that you’ve got a serious health issue; that should keep them quiet.
7. Anger Management Might Be Needed.
Prepare yourself for a surge of rage at the slightest things. Someone cuts you off in traffic? They’re a threat to your unborn child. A stranger comments on your appearance? You might fantasize about some serious payback. It’s not just you—take a moment to breathe and listen to some music that matches your mood. This too shall pass.
8. Your Boobs Will Steal the Show.
Yes, your breasts will grow and may become sore, but good luck wearing anything that doesn’t accentuate them. The maternity fashion industry seems to think that since you’re pregnant, you’ve suddenly become a walking milk factory. Say goodbye to modest necklines; it’s all about flaunting your assets now. Enjoy the attention while it lasts, because after delivery, you’ll feel more like a dairy cow than a diva.
In summary, pregnancy is a wild ride filled with unexpected surprises, mucus, and emotions that swing like a pendulum. From bizarre dreams to unsolicited comments about your body, the journey is anything but glamorous. But through it all, remember that it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed and even a bit crazy—you’re just living the raw, unfiltered pregnancy experience.
For more insights on the journey to motherhood, check out Progyny, an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re considering your options, Make a Mom offers a comprehensive look at at-home insemination kits. And if you’re curious about privacy, feel free to read our privacy policy.