It’s funny how a simple car ride can transport you back to one of the happiest moments of your life. After my first ultrasound, I distinctly remember sitting at a stoplight, tears of joy streaming down my face as Mariah Carey’s version of “I’ll Be There” played on the radio. I felt blessed, knowing I was going to be there for my longed-for child. Who knew that those sweet moments would soon be complicated by the reality of raising a daughter with autism?
As I navigate the ups and downs of parenting my daughter, I’ve encountered a whirlwind of emotions—everything from anxiety to sheer bliss. Lately, I’ve found myself yearning for her to gain more independence. She’s classified as high-functioning on the autism spectrum, which puts her in a unique yet tricky spot—she’s too “normal” in certain contexts, and yet, she still relies on me in others. The challenge? I often forget that she is still a child who needs her mom, just like most 11-year-olds do.
She struggles with basic tasks like brushing her hair and teeth and can’t tie her shoes. Shampooing her long, beautiful hair still requires my help. Academically, she faces hurdles, and I often question where she truly stands in terms of grade level. Sometimes I can’t help but sigh in frustration when she calls out, “Mom, it’s time to brush my teeth!”
But why does this bother me so much? Am I just being lazy and irresponsible? Why am I rushing her to grow up? Is it my own fear that she might not achieve the independence that I dream of for her?
What I really need to do is help her grow by breaking down tasks into manageable steps, cheering her on as she progresses instead of letting my exasperation show. I should take a moment to appreciate how far she has come. She can speak in complete sentences, is potty-trained, and enjoys reading independently, not to mention her love for cheerleading, fashion, and the latest pop hits. Yes, she even engages in the classic battles with her brother. Who knew sibling squabbles could be a sign of growth?
I think back to my freshman year of college when I learned how to do laundry from a friend who exclaimed, “Wash everything in cold!” I barely knew how to cook, and I certainly couldn’t catch a ball!
So here I am, reflecting on that long-ago evening at the stoplight, feeling inspired by a song that reminds me of my commitment not just to my husband, but also to my daughter. I promise to always be there for her.
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In summary, parenting a child on the autism spectrum is a complex journey filled with highs and lows. While I strive to encourage her independence, I also need to remember that she is still a child who needs her mother’s love and support. I’m committed to being there for her, no matter what.