Mindful Parenting: The Importance of Modeling Self-Care

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“How long can this wait?” I inquire, as my dentist turns off the glaring operatory light that feels like a spotlight on my dental sins. The minty rinse still lingers, a reminder of my neglect.

“It can’t wait. If the infection spreads to your jaw, you could end up with an abscess,” she replies, her brows knitted with concern. There’s no room for negotiation here.

I grip the plastic arms of the chair as the metal probes jab at my teeth, the tension in my muscles a testament to my anxiety. Later that evening, I make the regrettable decision to Google “abscessed tooth.” Let’s just say, unless you enjoy dental horror stories, don’t follow my lead.

“What are my options?” I ask, half-dreading the answer.

“You’ll need a root canal to remove the infection. It’s been festering in there for the last six to nine months.” She shows me the x-ray, but my untrained eye sees nothing unusual. Yet, she assures me those nasty bacteria are thriving.

With a sigh, I agree to return next week. But why did I let my dental health slide for over a year? Given my history with teeth, this was a questionable choice. I can’t even blame it on a lack of dental insurance—we have good coverage. The truth is, there’s no legitimate excuse for my neglect. Well, maybe one.

“You know how easy it is to sideline your own needs while caring for your child,” a friend said to me over coffee. I nodded, recognizing the struggle all too well. Yes, my root canal is proof of that.

As I reflect on her words, I realize there’s a stark contrast between how I care for my 18-month-old son, Oliver, and how I treat myself. He eats nutritious meals, while I scarf down whatever I can find. He sleeps soundly, while I’m perpetually exhausted. My self-care routine consists of a quick drive-thru meal from Wendy’s or sinking into a bubble bath to binge-watch Netflix—don’t even ask when I last stepped foot in a gym.

For parents of young children, self-care feels like a distant dream. We scramble to finish showering or eating, let alone find time for our own needs. Regular sleep? That ship has sailed. If you dare mention self-care to a parent of a toddler, expect a sigh of annoyance. We’re too sleep-deprived for your well-meaning advice.

Oliver is my go-to excuse for avoiding the dentist. The year I ignored my dental issues? I was consumed with changing diapers, filling bottles, and pleading with him to sleep at 3 a.m. Surely, prioritizing him justifies my neglect, right? But deep down, I know that using him as an excuse is just a cop-out. I want to believe it’s noble to sacrifice my well-being for his needs, but my conscience insists that this approach is not beneficial for anyone.

This leads me to ponder: Is it better for a parent to hyper-focus on their child’s habits while neglecting their own, or to practice self-care and model healthy behaviors for their child? I firmly believe the latter is the wisest choice.

The way we prioritize self-care teaches our children how to care for themselves. In the early years, it’s tempting to put all our energy into our child’s diet and behavior while ignoring our own needs. However, as they grow, they become aware of how we treat ourselves. My goal is to show Oliver a parent who values self-care, demonstrating the importance of looking after oneself—especially in the most essential ways.

What will my child observe? This question looms large in my mind.

The reality is, our children are always watching. Oliver is already attuned to how often I’m glued to my phone. It’s both amusing and terrifying to see him mimic my smartphone habits. He even pretends to drink coffee after watching me down enough to fuel a small army.

I aspire to be more mindful while spending time with Oliver. I’m not aiming for parenting perfection, nor do I wish to induce guilt. Instead, I want to remain conscious that parenting is a two-way street. My child reflects back to me the areas where I can improve. It’s my duty to heed that reflection.

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In summary, mindful parenting involves being aware not just of our children’s needs, but also of our own. By modeling self-care, we teach our kids to value their well-being, creating a cycle of healthy habits that can last a lifetime.