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My Partner Isn’t My Best Buddy
Life is full of predictable moments. If you style your hair just right, it’s bound to rain. Or if you search for random ailments on the internet—even the most trivial ones—you’ll be convinced you’re facing a serious health crisis. And let’s not forget the social media posts celebrating anniversaries. You’ll almost always find the phrase “best friend” in there somewhere. “I married my best buddy!” “So grateful to wake up next to my best friend!” But here’s the thing: I don’t say that about my husband.
To label him my best friend feels like calling a hurricane a light breeze while it’s tearing the roof off your house. It’s like referring to the Grand Canyon as a mere pothole. There’s no expression that can encapsulate our connection, no catchy phrase that truly represents our bond.
Before you roll your eyes or feel a little queasy, let me clarify: this isn’t about boasting or claiming we have some extraordinary relationship. We’re an ordinary couple who has been together for ages. We argue over trivial matters and significant issues alike, and yes, sometimes one of us (not naming names, but it’s never me) can be a tad difficult. We clash over everything from the serious to the mundane. Life often gets hectic, and we realize it’s been ages since we had a date night or even went to bed at the same time. He knows how to push my buttons faster than anyone else—like, for instance, picking the most inconvenient times to use the bathroom.
But therein lies the beauty of our relationship. It’s not just that he knows how to annoy me; it’s that he understands me on such a deep level. My best friend might know I’m terrified of zombies, but my husband knows the backstory—like when my siblings thought it was a good idea to let me watch “Return of the Living Dead” when I was just five.
My best friend might know I can’t stand fish or that tequila leaves me with a brutal hangover. But my husband can recite my social security number, the medication that makes me swell like a balloon, and the tale behind the raggedy stuffed bear I still keep on our bed. He knows how I’ll respond in various situations, what I cherish more than anything, and the fears and experiences that haunt me. He feels the things I struggle to articulate.
I adore my best friends. They’re essential to my happiness, and we’ve had countless unforgettable moments together. Yet, I’ve never made life-altering decisions based on their lives. I’ve never shared tears as we watched our shared world crumble or fought to rebuild it despite our differences. My friends can offer wise counsel, but they’re not as emotionally invested because, at the end of the day, it’s not their life on the line. When I think of them, I’m grateful for their presence, but my heart doesn’t race in the same way.
Friendships take effort, sure, but they don’t compare to the work a marriage demands. Friendships are relatively simple, while marriages require commitment, sacrifice, and resilience. It’s about staying buoyant together when life feels like a storm and paddling like crazy to regain your balance when you feel like you’re sinking. This kind of partnership deserves a title far beyond “friend.” You can friend someone you hardly know on social media, but that’s a far cry from the complex, messy, beautiful love that I share with my spouse. Even the term “soulmates” falls short, as it implies a kind of effortless romance that overlooks the hard work we put into our relationship.
So until someone coins a phrase that better captures what we have, I’ll stick with funny anniversary cards that make us both laugh, sharing those moments that define us as so much more than just friends.
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Summary
In this article, Jamie Anderson reflects on the complexities of her marriage, emphasizing that her husband is not simply her best friend but a partner who understands her on a deeper level. While friendships are vital, they lack the emotional investment and shared struggles that characterize a marriage. The piece highlights the unique bond that comes from navigating life together, suggesting that titles like “best friend” and “soulmate” can’t fully capture the essence of their relationship.