Why I Don’t Regret My Parenting ‘Mistakes’

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Ten years ago, I discovered I was expecting my first child. What followed was a decade filled with a rollercoaster of emotions—joys, struggles, surprises, and yes, a fair share of “oops” moments. If I listened to all the so-called parenting gurus out there, I would probably think I’ve made a million blunders along the way.

As a new mom, every mistake felt like a massive weight on my shoulders, particularly when I decided to stop breastfeeding early on. Let me clarify: I fully support a woman’s right to breastfeed however she sees fit. For many, it’s a fulfilling experience that enhances the mother-child bond. But for me? Not so much. I managed to breastfeed my first son for an agonizing six weeks, and I absolutely loathed it. I even found myself harboring resentment towards my baby during that time, which only worsened my postpartum depression and strained our connection.

Choosing to stop breastfeeding brought on a wave of shame and guilt. Society constantly tells us that we should prioritize our children’s needs above all else and that “breast is best.” While that may be true for many, it wasn’t for me. Ultimately, quitting was the best decision I could have made for both myself and my son. By the time my second child arrived three years later, I was sure I wouldn’t be breastfeeding at all.

Do I respect those who enjoy breastfeeding? Absolutely! But as Amy Poehler wisely said, “Good for you! Not for me.” I also broke a few other parenting “rules.” Recognizing my need for sleep, I sleep-trained my son when he was just a few months old and adhered to a strict napping schedule, sometimes racing home just to avoid a disastrous five-minute car ride nap.

During that first year, I took countless photos, which admittedly became a distraction from actual parenting. While mindful parenting experts might frown on this, those photos were my lifeline, keeping me from sinking too deeply into the shadows of postpartum depression as I navigated recovery.

Now that those baby years are behind me, my “mistakes” have evolved. Sure, I sometimes let a curse word slip in front of my kids, teaching them the art of timing when it comes to swearing. I also let my 9-year-old sleep with a blanket and suck his thumb, reasoning that orthodontic bills are a minor price for a peaceful night’s sleep. And let’s be honest, I probably don’t capture enough photos nowadays, worrying that I might miss out on documenting important family moments. But I remind myself that I’m savoring the beauty of everyday life, preserving those memories in my own unique way.

One of the biggest “flaws” I have, according to many parenting critics, is that I yell. I raise my voice during sibling squabbles, when my kids dawdle at getting ready, and when their own volume levels reach stratospheric heights. I get it; yelling isn’t ideal, and I know there are better ways to respond. But honestly, I’m already swimming in a sea of guilt. Yes, I yell, but I also apologize and engage in conversations about it afterward. We all learn something from those moments, including that parents have feelings too.

In today’s world, everyone seems to have an opinion on the “right” way to raise kids, with a barrage of conflicting advice coming from doctors, psychologists, bloggers, and fellow parents. This plethora of advice can feel like a judgmental chorus, making it all too easy to succumb to guilt and regret over our choices. What one parent sees as a mistake, another may view as a triumph. The truth is, there are countless “right” ways to love and parent.

Over the last decade, I’ve certainly made my share of what some might call mistakes—who hasn’t? And I have no doubt more will come my way as long as I’m a parent. But perhaps regret shouldn’t be one of those mistakes. Maybe those missteps are simply part of the journey. What we often label as mistakes could just be opportunities to learn, trust ourselves, and embrace the wild ride of parenting.

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Summary

Parenting is a journey filled with ups and downs, and what feels like a mistake at one moment may turn out to be a valuable lesson later. Embracing our choices, even the imperfect ones, is part of becoming a confident parent. Ultimately, the path to parenting is a wild ride filled with learning opportunities, and maybe that’s the real win.