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How My Easygoing Parents Turned Me Into a Helicopter Mom
Every generation of parents seems to take up the mantle of “I’ll Do Things Differently than My Parents” and makes a valiant effort—only to find themselves wearing down and settling for mere survival in the chaotic world of parenthood. Currently, I find myself caught in this struggle between my desire to parent differently than my own upbringing and the urge to do my own thing.
Growing up, my parents were incredibly laid-back. My mom, though fiercely committed to providing us with a good childhood, simply didn’t have the bandwidth to micromanage my every potential blunder. And believe me, I made plenty of blunders. She believed that if I got into a jam, I should be ready to figure it out myself—problem-solving, being resourceful, and asking for help when necessary were all part of the deal. This approach certainly equipped me for adulthood, but as a child, it often left me feeling like a free spirit without much guidance.
There were no discussions about saving money, no set curfews, and no reminders to eat my greens. Sure, we had enlightening conversations about feminism, empowerment, and the joys of reading, but boundaries? Almost nonexistent. Thankfully, I was cautious by nature and had a healthy respect for authority, so I never got into serious trouble.
Fast forward to now, and I’ve swung to the complete opposite end of the parenting spectrum. I’m a strict parent—at least compared to my mom. I monitor my kids’ sugar intake and enforce a specific diet. Bedtime is 7 p.m. sharp, with no exceptions. I’ve never allowed playdates without either my husband or me present. Homework? I’m right there hovering. I’m the persistent voice at the pediatrician’s office, the school, and the dentist. In short, I embody everything my mother was not—and honestly, it’s driving me up the wall.
Recently, I had an epiphany: I had turned into a Tiger Mom out of fear that my own negligence would leave my kids feeling abandoned like I once did. Suddenly, cooking, cleaning, organizing playdates, and shuttling kids became more than priorities—they became my entire existence, and it drained the joy out of parenting. I found myself snapping at my kids for not meeting my rigid expectations.
Determined to find balance, I took a step back to observe my behavior. I realized I was barking orders, re-arranging furniture, and yes, even folding underwear (seriously, who has time for that?). It dawned on me: I needed to start small and eliminate the most annoying habits. Dust bunnies can wait; I can let my kids choose their own meals instead of sticking to a ridiculous meal plan. I could even—gasp—let my oldest visit a friend without hovering over them.
Now, finding balance is my main focus. Learning to relax and allow my kids some freedom while I practice ignoring the mess will ultimately make me a better mom. I don’t want to be a Tiger Mom or a Passive Mom, so like every other parent out there, I’m gingerly navigating the uncertain waters of motherhood.
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Summary
The author reflects on her upbringing with lenient parents and how it influenced her strict parenting style. After realizing that her helicopter parenting is causing stress, she seeks a more balanced approach, learning to relax and allow her children more freedom.