30 Signs You’re Entering Your Third Trimester

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The third trimester is a rollercoaster ride that lasts an exhilarating 13 weeks. Having navigated this phase three times, I’ve got a treasure trove of insights that you won’t find in your average guidebook. So, grab some comfy pants, and let’s dive into the reality of this trimester (beyond just the impending arrival of your little one):

1. You find yourself coaxing your partner into trimming and painting your toenails.
2. You resort to offering bribes to your kids for putting on your socks.
3. Walking into a public place triggers a panic: where’s the nearest bathroom? Then you think about how quickly your swollen feet and chafed thighs can carry you there.
4. Strangers seem to have a radar for your belly, checking it out before making eye contact.
5. Prepare for an avalanche of unsolicited comments from random folks like:
   • “Are you having twins?”
   • “Looks like you could pop any day now!”
   • “What’s your due date? Oh, that’s my cousin’s birthday!”
   • And the classic, “I hope whatever you have isn’t contagious; I don’t want it!”
6. You wish you could wear a sign that says, “I’m feeling fabulous, my due date is ____, the gender is ____, and this is baby # ____. Thanks for sparing me the questions!”
7. You could probably pee in a cup blindfolded while simultaneously juggling a squirming toddler and a bag of fruit snacks.
8. Climbing the stairs at your OB appointment feels like being on The Biggest Loser, and your inner trainer is yelling at you.
9. Your 4-year-old has taken to suggesting you pick up where you left off with the 30-Day Shred workouts.
10. These days, your “exercise” consists of fridge raids and bending down to retrieve socks. Seriously, why did you have those first two kids?
11. Your wardrobe is in crisis mode. You’re down to two shirts that fit—both of which seem to have mysterious elastic cinches that could pass as pug faces.
12. One of those shirts is for fancy occasions like church and doctor visits, while the other one looks like it belongs in a yard sale.
13. You find yourself calling Grandma for advice on what undergarments to buy.
14. That cute maternity swimsuit you snagged on sale last January? The one with black and white stripes? Yeah, you’re starting to feel like a certain Sea World icon.
15. The local pool has designated a splash zone just for you.
16. You’re now a fan of belly panel pants—once deemed ugly and unnecessary. If it doesn’t have a panel, it has no place in your life.
17. You start collecting kindling for the bonfire that’s going to burn all your maternity clothes once the baby arrives.
18. Your kids read a story about an alligator eating a watermelon seed and are convinced you’ve done the same.
19. You wake up 3-4 times a night—once or twice to pee, a couple of times for leg cramps, and at least once to lumber downstairs for a snack.
20. Getting out of bed multiple times a night should definitely qualify as an Olympic event. You contemplate using a pole vault for assistance.
21. Naps have become the highlight of your day.
22. During weekly OB visits, the nurses greet you with, “Oh, it’s you again. Where’s your Cup-O-Pee?”
23. You secretly wish your doctor takes their sweet time getting to you so that you can sneak in a nap.
24. Did your water break? Nope, just a sneeze.
25. Did you just have a contraction? Nope, just those 3 a.m. Doritos making their presence known.
26. From now until your due date, expect a new chin to sprout weekly.
27. Your fingers, now resembling chubby sausages, are threatening to consume your rings. Best to remove them while you can.
28. You realize your belly serves as a convenient reading stand and snack table, though it’s not doing any favors for your precious few shirts.
29. You wonder why your electric bill is so high lately. Wait, is it really this hot? The A/C is set to 75? Forget frugality; you crank it down.
30. Finally, you daydream about a luxurious two-day getaway complete with full meal service and nightly massages. Don’t forget to pack some Dermoplast and Tucks wipes in your vacation bag—consider yourself warned!

In summary, the third trimester is a unique blend of challenges and hilarity. As your body prepares for the big day, it’s essential to embrace the chaos and humor that comes with it. For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource.