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Sticker Charts: A Parenting Pitfall We Can Do Without
Updated: Jan. 29, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 23, 2016
In this week’s episode of “Everything You Do Will Ruin Your Child,” a recent article in The Atlantic sheds light on the dangers of sticker charts in parenting. You thought they were just a fun way to reward your little one for good behavior? Think again! According to the latest parenting wisdom, these charts may be “powerful psychological tools” that could damage your child’s relationships—both with you and with others down the line. When you incentivize a child, they start to expect rewards for every little thing. Or so they say.
Erin Lutz, the psychologist behind the article “The Downside of Sticker Charts,” points out that while many parents initially find success, they often overlook the potential pitfalls. “I’ve heard countless stories from parents whose sticker systems went off the rails,” Lutz explains. For instance, one mom recounted how her 8-year-old son responded to her request for help with, “What will you give me?”
And? That’s when you, as a parent, can swoop in with a response like, “How about dinner?” or “A safe home!” or simply, “Get over there and help your brother, kiddo.”
Lutz shares another anecdote from a parenting seminar: a couple told her about their daughter refusing extra points towards a new phone for helping clean the kitchen after dinner. “What now?” they asked. What now? Tell her she missed her chance for free stuff and to get up and wash those dishes!
Are these for real?
Listen, I get it—parenting isn’t a walk in the park. I have a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old who constantly test my patience. But perhaps we don’t need to view parenting as an intricate puzzle to solve in order to raise perfectly adjusted kids. Maybe it’s okay for kids to just be told to do things, because guess what? That’s how life works.
Lutz notes that many parents who start using sticker systems with the noble intention of streamlining routines find themselves stuck in what she calls a “reward economy.” Kids learn to trade good behavior for stickers, which studies suggest can actually diminish their natural inclination to help others.
Oh, great. But here’s the thing: we all operate in a reward economy. I do well at work, I get a raise. That’s life! So why is it wrong to prepare our kids for that reality?
Moreover, what’s so terrible about finding an easier way to parent? The notion that each small action we take could spell disaster for our children is frankly ridiculous.
Here’s my not-so-scientific theory: our parents didn’t overthink their choices. I grew up in the ‘80s when parenting wasn’t dissected. Sure, some of us may have felt a bit neglected, but now we’ve swung the pendulum too far the other way, convincing ourselves that harmless decisions—like using stickers—could somehow harm our children.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably doing just fine as a parent. You’re putting more thought into your parenting choices than your own parents ever did. So, go ahead and buy those stickers. Put your feet up and ignore the noise of all this misguided advice.
This article was originally published on Feb. 23, 2016.
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Summary
Sticker charts may seem like a cute and effective way to encourage good behavior in children, but experts warn they can create a “reward economy” that might hinder intrinsic motivation and damage relationships. Instead of overly analyzing every parenting strategy, it’s essential to strike a balance and remember that simple directives can often be more effective than reward systems.