Hey there! It’s been a hot minute since our last appointment, and I must admit, I haven’t exactly been proactive about keeping our schedule in check. I know I should reach out and book a visit for that all-important checkup. It’s time to bite the bullet, spread my legs, and get it over with like a responsible adult.
But let’s be real: I’m not jumping for joy at the thought of seeing you, and I’ll spill the beans on why.
Why the Hesitation?
First off, I’m essentially paying you to examine my most private areas. Usually, when someone gets that up close and personal, there’s at least a nice dinner involved, maybe some compliments thrown in for good measure. Instead, I find myself in your office—where my fancy outfit gets tossed aside on a plastic chair before you even have a chance to admire it (my underwear strategically hidden, of course, because we can’t have you seeing that before the big reveal).
I go all out for these appointments, shaving my legs and making sure everything is tidy. You know, the usual prep for a date with a stranger who’s about to poke around down there. But instead of a cozy restaurant atmosphere with dim lighting and a glass of wine, I’m sitting solo in your sterile office, waiting for our brief encounter. Sure, I might be in something backless, but it’s also completely lacking in style—a paper gown is definitely not what I’d call fashionable.
The Awkward Atmosphere
Instead of candlelit romance, I’m nervously twiddling my thumbs while staring at bland floral artwork mixed with posters about birth control and the warning signs of gonorrhea. No champagne in sight, just a collection of intimidating metal instruments laid out like some sort of torture devices, alongside tubes and rubber gloves.
Is this really supposed to make me feel comfortable? Honestly, it just makes me feel like I might embarrass myself at any moment. Maybe if you took me to a movie first, I’d be a bit more at ease.
Appreciation and Connection
Now, I truly appreciate what you do for me (big shoutout for telling me how fabulous my cervix looks—thanks?). But when someone is that close to my private parts, I’d prefer to know a bit more about you. I mean, we’re not even Facebook friends! Yet here you are, practically wrist-deep in my business without so much as a casual chat first.
So forgive me if I’m a little tardy for our annual meeting. It’s hard to feel enthusiastic about shimmying into those chilly stirrups and putting my dignity on display when all I can think about is how a stranger is about to invade my personal space.
The Effort Behind the Scenes
Do you even realize the effort I go through? I spent an hour contorted like a pretzel to remove unwanted hair (and dulled a pricey razor in the process). Or how I used enough feminine products to make your exam room smell like a wildflower field? And let’s not even discuss how I’m battling against the urge to fart because nerves have a funny way of bringing that on.
I’m not sure you fully appreciate what I bring to the table, Gynecologist. So excuse me if I’m a bit hesitant about the idea of you probing around down there.
A Suggestion for Improvement
Here’s a thought: next time I show up, how about you greet me with a shot? And I don’t mean a vaccine—let’s talk tequila. Because anything that can make that drafty paper gown feel more like a little black dress is a win in my book.
Helpful Resources
By the way, if you’re curious about some other great resources for home insemination, check out this article, or for more on artificial insemination products, take a look here. If you want to dive deeper into the IVF process, this resource is also excellent.
In Summary
I appreciate all the work you do, but the setup for our meetings could definitely use a makeover. I’d love to feel more at ease during my visits—not like I’m about to give a presentation in my underwear.