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When Intimacy Took a Backseat, My Partner Stood Firm
I had a game plan. I intended to share how regular intimacy can enhance a marriage. I had a list of reasons ready to explain why I am more than willing to embrace those moments with my partner. The more intimacy we share, the happier we are, the more support he offers around the house, and the more we reminisce about the carefree days of yesteryear.
“He’s so much more engaged when he’s well-loved,” I would’ve said. “It’s just common sense.”
Our routine was reliable; we enjoyed intimacy every other day, pretending it was spontaneous because scheduling it felt too mundane. It was like, “Oh look! We just happened to end up in bed together, exactly 48 hours after our last encounter! What a coincidence!”
And it worked—until, of course, life intervened. Not the everyday kind of life, filled with the usual chaos, but serious challenges: illness, job shifts, and emotional upheaval that felt seismic.
When I face such stress, I tend to retreat. My skin reacts, I get uncomfortable sores, and my body throws off its rhythm—despite the fact that I thought my days of menstruation were behind me. My body evidently has other plans.
Even though I know intimacy should be a priority for the sake of my marriage—along with my kids, self-care, and all those other “important” aspects of life—it swiftly tumbles to the bottom of my to-do list when life hits hard. And by “tumbles,” I mean it plummets like a lead balloon.
It makes sense scientifically; after all, should I be thinking about intimacy when I can’t even remember to wear underwear? Probably not. In crisis mode, intimacy isn’t a priority. Showering isn’t either.
I braced myself for the downfall of my marriage, waiting for tension to arise and arguments to flare. I anticipated resentment creeping in and small fissures forming in our otherwise solid bond, but none of that materialized.
He offered comforting gestures—massaging my shoulders, bringing me coffee, and wrapping me in hugs even when I lacked the energy to reciprocate. He listened as I poured out my worries without trying to fix everything. He quietly stepped in to support me, even when I was too overwhelmed to ask for what I needed.
He shielded the kids when I needed solitude, made and returned calls, and even handled errands. He ordered takeout without a second thought, stepping up and taking action without expecting anything in return.
I always believed that frequent intimacy was the cornerstone of our strong marriage, but I realized I was mistaken. The true foundation is an attitude of service. I didn’t fully grasp how deeply my partner cares for me until the tables turned and he needed to care for me.
I suppose all those intimate moments really paid off after all.
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Summary
Life can throw unexpected challenges that shift priorities, especially in intimate relationships. While intimacy is important, the true strength of a marriage lies in mutual support and care during tough times.