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Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: My Hidden Struggle
This is what postpartum depression looks like:
Lisa Thompson
And this:
Lisa Thompson
And this:
Lisa Thompson
Postpartum anxiety and depression don’t always appear the way you might expect, especially when filtered through the lens of social media. Surprising, huh? It certainly was for me.
My birthing experience was nothing short of amazing, yet it wasn’t long before I felt like I was in over my head. From the moment our adorable little boy entered the world, he screamed—oh, how he screamed! After just four hours, I made the decision to send him to the nursery (a move I never thought I’d make) so I could grab a bit of much-needed sleep after being awake for nearly 24 hours. Cue the mom guilt!
Within a week, sleepless nights, overwhelming frustration, and countless tears led us to discover that he was struggling to transfer milk effectively. Thus began my journey of exclusively pumping so he could eat. Those first few weeks were an emotional and physical rollercoaster. Waking him every two hours to eat, pumping endlessly, and trying to catch a breath in between left me in a fog of exhaustion. The thought of not being able to breastfeed as I had envisioned was something I never prepared for, and I had to mourn that loss.
Just two weeks postpartum, I took an online screening for postpartum depression and failed miserably. I brushed it off, thinking that everyone struggles during those early weeks. Yet, I cried almost every day until he hit the three-week mark. I was uncertain about what was “normal,” but I definitely didn’t feel like myself. My long-buried panic attack tendencies came roaring back. I felt so fragile, like one wrong move could shatter me.
I’ve faced tough challenges throughout my life: speaking to crowds, mentoring at-risk youth, and working with women in the sex industry in some of the most dangerous neighborhoods. But let me tell you, parenting? It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done—by far.
People asked me the most misguided questions—“Isn’t this the most fun you’ve ever had?!” and “Isn’t it just the best?!”—which only fueled my guilt. I adored my son, truly, but I was still figuring out who he was and who I had become. He was a beautiful little stranger, and we were in the process of getting to know one another. Meanwhile, it seemed like all my friends with newborns were effortlessly glowing and perfectly content, which only deepened my feelings of isolation and guilt.
At my six-week check-up, there was no postpartum depression screening. My midwife brushed off my concerns and wasn’t much help. I reached out to several counselors, but none accepted my insurance, leaving me disheartened and ready to give up. While I could confide in my husband (who was incredibly supportive), I didn’t share my struggles with anyone else—not even my mom or best friend, both of whom I spoke to daily. The guilt felt unbearable. I believed the lie that experiencing postpartum depression and anxiety made me a bad mom—that I didn’t love my baby enough. I saw these feelings not as a medical condition but as a personal failure—something that only “bad moms” experienced.
I waited too long—about four months postpartum—before finally seeking help. And I’m so grateful I did. I opened up to those closest to me about my struggles, and their response was nothing short of loving and supportive. I adjusted my work schedule to spend more time at home, helping me find a better balance between my old self and the new one. Connecting with other new moms was a game changer; sharing experiences and support was incredibly uplifting. I also started medication, which was the right choice for me. It took almost six months, but gradually, the fog began to lift. Today, I can honestly say I cherish parenthood. I’m happy, and I feel equipped to tackle the challenges of this new chapter.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, know this: You are not alone. Parenting can be the toughest gig, but you are doing a fantastic job. It does get easier, I promise. You’ll find your rhythm, understand your baby better, and those endless cries will become a distant memory. You will reclaim your sense of self. Date nights, intimacy, and restful sleep will return. Moms grappling with postpartum anxiety and depression are fierce, loving, and deeply feeling individuals. They are heroes for simply getting out of bed each day.
So, if you’re struggling, please don’t hesitate to seek help. Ignoring postpartum mood disorders is like refusing to see a doctor for a broken leg because you think it reflects poorly on you. Just as you’d get treatment for a physical ailment, postpartum mood disorders are real illnesses that require care and attention.
You’re going to be okay. You are loved. And you truly are a wonderful mom. For more insights, you can check out this resource on postpartum progress that can help you navigate these feelings. For those exploring the journey of home insemination, Make a Mom is an authority on the topic, and WebMD offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Postpartum depression and anxiety can be a hidden struggle for new mothers, often masked by societal expectations and personal guilt. This article shares the experience of one mom, Lisa, who faced the challenges of motherhood while battling these feelings. After a difficult start with her newborn, she learned to seek help, connect with others, and ultimately embrace her identity as a loving parent. If you or someone you know is experiencing similar struggles, it’s vital to acknowledge that you’re not alone and that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.