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The 7 Stages of Getting Cleared for Postpartum Intimacy
When contemplating the journey of motherhood, it’s easy to get caught up in the blissful moments we anticipate: the sweet coos, tiny giggles, and the overwhelming urge to cuddle a new life into oblivion. Sure, we know there’ll be sleepless nights and some battle scars like stretch marks, but the allure of that precious bundle is enough to keep our spirits high. That instinct to inhale the sweet, powdery scent of a newborn is just as crucial to pregnancy as romance and sperm.
As the months roll on, however, the reality of our situation hits harder. That adorable little hitchhiker has grown from a tiny egg into a hefty 8-plus pound bundle of joy, and soon we’ll have to figure out how to get it out. Spoiler alert: the options are less than appealing.
Yet, we persevere and our bodies heal (aside from those pesky stretch marks and a few other lifelong reminders). The following weeks are a whirlwind of rediscovering ourselves while simultaneously falling head over heels for these tiny humans, even when they’re often covered in mess. But just when we think we’ve tackled the worst of it, we face the shocking reality of our six-week postpartum checkup. That’s when we hear the phrase every new mom dreads: “You’re cleared to resume sexual activity.”
Oh, joy!
The naïve optimism behind those seven words is almost laughable. After weeks of navigating the challenges of motherhood while sporting oversized maxi pads, the idea of jumping back into physical intimacy is met with a mix of confusion and dread. Instead of feeling liberated, most women will find themselves traversing through these seven stages of postpartum sex:
- Shock
Wait, what did the doctor just say? You sit there, stunned, staring at the anatomical poster in disbelief. Is this real life, or have you stumbled into a bizarre nightmare where backless paper gowns are the attire of choice? - Denial
No way, this must be a mistake. Surely, the doctor has mixed up your medical records with someone else’s. I mean, your breasts are leaking and your belly button is now a cavernous reminder of what was once a cute little feature. Not happening, thank you very much. - Bargaining
You’d do anything to avoid this unexpected reality. You silently plead for a miracle, wishing for a yeast infection or something else that could delay this ‘blessing.’ Maybe a quick favor for your partner will suffice instead? - Guilt
On the ride home, the thought of lying to your partner crosses your mind. But guilt washes over you. After all, he’s a good guy and now the father of your child! Shouldn’t you want to rekindle that spark? - Anger
Then again, screw that! It’s his fault your body went through the wringer. If he’d just step up for a 3 a.m. baby shift, you might be more inclined to entertain the idea of intimacy. A surge of frustration bubbles up, even though he hasn’t mentioned your appointment yet. - Depression
Once home, you retreat to the bathroom, baby in tow, and let the tears flow quietly. Reflecting on those six glorious weeks without the pressure of intimacy, you realize you took those moments for granted. Oh, to go back in time and enjoy that healing process! - Acceptance
Finally, you come to terms with the situation. You remember that you once enjoyed intimacy and can likely find joy in it again. Plus, there’s a good chance your partner has already forgotten today was your six-week checkup!
If you’re navigating this journey, be sure to check out this valuable resource for insights. Also, WebMD is an excellent resource for everything related to pregnancy and home insemination. For more on this topic, you can also read our post at this link.
In summary, the path to resuming intimacy post-baby is not just a straight shot but a winding road filled with emotional ups and downs. With time, acceptance, and a little humor, you can navigate this journey with grace.