Navigating the Challenges of Parenting a Child with Special Needs

home insemination Kit

I stepped into motherhood feeling fairly prepared. In my late 20s, I was married, educated, and had launched a consulting business that allowed me to work from home with the flexibility I craved. With years of experience babysitting, counseling at camps, tutoring, and mentoring, I had interacted with over a thousand kids by the time I turned 22. I adored children; it was simply a core part of my identity. I even had some experience with kids who had disabilities—my first job was as a camp counselor for children with cerebral palsy when I was just 14.

But guess what? All that experience went out the window when I became a mom. How could my son be so different from the countless kids I had worked with? Surely, I must have picked up something useful along the way, right?

Understanding Not Very Intuitive Parenting (NVIP)

Let’s dive into a hypothetical scenario: imagine your 8-year-old who has ADHD and autism—generally doing well these days—is on their way to an after-school activity with a babysitter. But wait, the babysitter stops for a water bottle. Cue the chaos: your child starts screaming, running around the store, and evades not just the babysitter but also two employees for a solid 10 minutes until someone threatens to call the police.

I recall my father, back when my son was a baby, telling me to stop reading parenting books because it was all instinctive. Well, Dad, if you’re watching from above, I could really use some divine inspiration for these situations! Welcome to the world of “Not Very Intuitive Parenting” (NVIP).

What does NVIP look like? Well, first off, it means tossing aside everything you think you know about parenting and leaving those so-called instincts at the door. In that chaotic store scenario, I opted to send my son to his room for safety, consulted a child psychologist for guidance, and then put together a big activity schedule on poster board. Now, I’m even exploring social story software, all while juggling a full-time job and medical appointments for both my child and myself.

Adapting to New Strategies

With NVIP, you come to realize that the “mom look” isn’t going to cut it. My son doesn’t pick up on negative facial expressions, so I have to verbalize my feelings, even when steam could be coming out of my ears. Bribing kids used to be a no-no in my book, but incentivizing behaviors has proven to be a lifesaver for us. Behavior analysis requires tracking everything from following instructions to potty training, and while it might not feel intuitive, it’s what works.

When you see me practicing NVIP, please know that I want to shout, “This isn’t what it looks like!” If I’m hugging my son after what appears to be a “bratty tantrum,” it’s because you don’t see the hard work he’s putting in, and how this setback feels monumental for him.

If my kid is acting out, my responses are strategic and based on expert advice, rather than the instinctual methods I once thought would work. Sure, I still trust my instincts, especially when something feels off with my child—it’s a primal instinct to protect them. But raising a special needs child demands a new set of instincts, free from the “this is how my parents did it” mindset.

Becoming an Advocate

My advocacy for my son in medical and educational settings has transformed me into a stronger advocate. I’ve learned to trust my instincts more, but they have evolved to incorporate the wisdom of specialists and online communities who share similar experiences. I make decisions rooted in research and expert advice, rather than instinct alone, especially when I’m not falling back into ineffective habits.

So, if you’re feeling lost in the world of parenting a special needs child, know that it’s perfectly okay. This journey is not like riding a bike; it’s about adapting and learning how to best support your child. And that love? That’s the most intuitive feeling of all.

For more insights on parenting and navigating challenges, check out this excellent resource on treating infertility and learn about home insemination kits for those starting their families.