The 100 Days of Darkness with a New Baby

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“How old is your little one?” inquired a woman who seemed to be in the same boat as I was, as I tossed four bars of chocolate into my shopping cart—two of which would reward me for successfully getting the baby to sleep that afternoon.

“Almost 3 months,” I replied, squinting against the bright lights and hastily rubbing my eyes to ensure I didn’t have any crusties. I suddenly remembered that I had dashed out of the house without a single glance in the mirror—again. It wasn’t until someone spoke to me in public that I realized how disheveled I must have looked after a morning of frantically preparing the baby.

The woman nodded knowingly and said, “Ah, you’re still in the 100 Days of Darkness,” before complimenting my adorable baby.

The phrase “One Hundred Days of Darkness” has lingered in my mind ever since. I’ve encountered other expressions to describe the whirlwind of new parenthood. My mom once asked if I had emerged from “the fog” yet, while a cheerful cashier, upon learning my baby was 4 months old, exclaimed, “Great age! He’s finally human now!” Both of these sayings capture the chaos of those initial months, but none quite like “100 Days of Darkness.” It encapsulates everything:

• The dread of being solely responsible for keeping this tiny human alive.
• The hormonal rollercoaster that leaves you swimming in a sea of emotions: anxiety, guilt, bliss, pride, and even rage—sometimes swapping from one to the next in mere seconds.
• The sheer exhaustion, making you question how you ever complained about being tired before.
• The seismic shift in your relationship. True story: before editing this, I wrote “the seismic shit in your relationship.” Honestly, that could have summed up our reality during those first 100 days. It was rough. Learning how to communicate without shouting over the wails of a newborn was a unique, often dark adventure.
• The unexpected loneliness that creeps in at odd hours, not just at 3 AM with a fussy baby.
• The endless cycle of feeding and bewildered boobs trying to figure out what just happened.
• The boredom that sneaks up on you, leaving you shocked.
• The craziness of diaper blowouts, relentless crying, and the inability to eat, sleep, or even shower. You’ve heard the stories, but nothing prepares you for the reality.
• The realization that life has irrevocably changed, and you must rediscover how you fit into this new world. When you can’t even shower or grab a quick bite, how will you manage to see friends, exercise, read that book, create art, or write a best-seller?

How did we survive those early days with a newborn? Although it’s all a hazy memory now, I think we just got through it by leaning on baby giggles, countless cups of coffee, binge-watching every comedy on Netflix, cherishing the sweet moments, and deciphering when to argue and when to walk away. Apologies, gratitude, and acceptance flowed amidst emotional eruptions. And most importantly, we tried to find humor in it all.

Let me be clear: these struggles don’t magically vanish after day 101, so don’t start a countdown! But the cliché rings true: it does become easier. The good days start to outweigh the bad. The crying subsides, and the smiles emerge, melting your heart and expanding it in ways you never thought possible. The fear diminishes, feeding becomes more manageable, your relationship begins to stabilize, and you’ll start to feel like your old self again—well, a new version of it. Those dark days gradually give way to light, so much light that an unexpected thought may arise: Should we consider having another?

If you’re ready for more insight on this journey, check out some valuable resources like Kindbody’s blog for pregnancy and home insemination tips, or delve into this guide that offers expert advice on your fertility journey. And don’t forget to explore this post to keep yourself engaged with helpful information.

In summary, while the initial days with a newborn can feel like a relentless cycle of chaos and darkness, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Embrace the journey, find joy in the little moments, and remember that it does get better with time.