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11 Things Your Breast Pump Wants You to Know

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Home Insemination Blog
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Let’s face it: the sound of a breast pump can feel like a relentless, wheezy “screw you” echoing through your solo pumping sessions. It’s a reminder of your predicament—you’re at the mercy of this machine, and it’s just sucking away. But there’s more to what your pump is saying during those moments of solitude. Here are 11 other things your breast pump might be whispering as you sit there:

  1. Got plans? Too bad, they’re on hold now.
  2. I’m here to drain your breasts and your energy.
  3. Nice bra! You actually let your partner see you in that?
  4. Don’t forget to sterilize me later. Enjoy the boiling water, champ!
  5. Oh, you’re traveling? Good luck with that TSA nonsense.
  6. You know those tiny rubber pieces you use if you only want to pump one side? Oops, I misplaced them! Good luck, friend.
  7. Sure, bring me to the office. I’ll be as discreet as a table saw at a wedding. Whir. Whir. Can’t hear you, sorry!
  8. Look at me, all sleek in black. No one will suspect I’m not just another handbag.
  9. Did you forget your breast shields today? Here’s hoping you can make it till 5 o’clock!
  10. Oops, I see you tried to move more than a foot from the outlet. Time to cozy up to the wall—feel that cool surface? Stay close now!
  11. Why are you turning me up? Was I too slow for your liking, Miss Hurry-Up? We both know you’ve got a four-month-old to tend to.

Fuuuck you. Fuuuck you. Fuuuck you.

This post is a reminder that even in the chaos of parenting, there are shared experiences, and you’re definitely not alone in this journey. For more insights into home insemination and related topics, check out our other blog post. And if you’re seeking reliable information on artificial insemination, Make a Mom has you covered. For additional resources on pregnancy and infertility, visit Mount Sinai’s Health Library.

In summary, breast pumps are more than just tools; they’re a source of humor and frustration wrapped into one. Embrace the chaos, and remember that you’re doing an amazing job!

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