Finding Solitude in the Shower: My Saturday Retreat

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You know, sometimes I’m genuinely amazed—and let’s be honest, a bit intrigued—by the levels of grime I’m willing to accept on my body and hair before stepping out into the world. There’s a solid chance I’m still in the same outfit I wore to bed and possibly even yesterday.

Now, I used to take pride in my hygiene. Daily showers and fresh attire were once my norm. But I can pinpoint the exact moment my personal upkeep took a nosedive: the day I became a parent. Ah, motherhood, the great equalizer.

Things have slightly improved now that my kids are 4 and 6, but my shower routine has become a bare-bones affair: hop in, scrub the essentials, and wash away the oil from my hair.

Shaving above the knee? Not a chance.
Any grooming down there? Please, who am I kidding?

I’ve proclaimed a decree in my household: one day a week, I reclaim my shower time. Thus begins my “Saturday Shower” where, unless there’s an injury that requires immediate attention, no one is allowed to invade my sanctuary.

Each Saturday, I start with a stern warning to my tiny humans and their dad: “Hey family!” I declare, “Mommy is going to take a shower. No one is allowed in the bathroom! Just stay with your father. Better yet, don’t leave this floor of the house, okay?”

They nod in agreement, and I shoot a pointed look at my husband that clearly conveys, “Keep the kids out until I’m finished or else!”

With that, I scamper up the stairs, almost tripping with excitement for my Saturday Shower. I groove into the bathroom, blasting my favorite Billy Joel station on Pandora.

“A bottle of white…”
“A bottle of red…”
Oh yes, Billy, perhaps a bottle of rosé instead…

Turning the water up to a near-boiling point (because it takes a whole lot to wash off that “Mom grime,” right?), I take stock of the shower products that have gathered soap scum from neglect. Fluffy loofahs, sweet-smelling body scrubs, and delightful shower gels all greet me. “Hello, old friends!” I wink at them.

This is the Saturday Shower, and I intend to use every single product—yes, even the shampoo and conditioner will be a wash, rinse, and repeat affair.

I glance back at the lotions and makeup that await my pampering once this glorious moment is over. When I’ve finally exhausted all the hot water, I’ll emerge ready to dazzle, hopefully greeted by the sounds of “Pretty Woman” or that classic tune from the end of Sixteen Candles.

But just as I’m settled in my blissful bubble, my kid bursts in.

“Hey, Mommy!” he chirps.
“Hey there, buddy. What are you doing here? Where’s Dad?”
“I dunno.”
“Alright, Mommy’s showering, so… privacy, please…”
“I’m just gonna go potty.”
“We have three other bathrooms. Please use one of those. Can you tell me where your dad is?”
“Nah, I’ll just use this one.”

And before I can usher him out, he drops his pants. When he doesn’t even lift the seat, I know exactly what he’s about to do.

Trying my best to ignore him, I keep singing and hope he’ll wrap things up quickly. But then the air shifts from sweet vanilla sugar body scrub to something far less pleasant.

I scrunch my nose at the offending odor and gasp as he flushes the toilet, leaving me in a cloud of kid stench.

Finally, I surrender in defeat when he swipes my phone off the counter, turns off my music, and strides out of the bathroom, engrossed in a game on my device.

Lightheaded from the smell, shivering from the sudden chill, and deprived of my tunes, my Saturday Shower has become a complete disaster.

My kids manage to ruin many things: my Saturday Shower, my flat stomach, and even my ability to race up the stairs without a mishap. While I can’t fix most of these ruined experiences, I can certainly lock the door next Saturday and get the dishwasher and washing machine running as soon as my husband hops in the shower on Monday morning.

If you’re navigating the parenting waters, check out our other post on home insemination techniques for some engaging insights. And for those looking for reliable advice on fertility matters, Medical News Today is an excellent resource. You might also want to explore fertility boosters for men to enhance your journey.

Summary

Finding solace in a Saturday shower can feel impossible when kids invade your sanctuary. This humorous recount of a mother’s struggle highlights the challenges of maintaining self-care amidst parenting chaos, while also providing links to helpful resources for those interested in fertility and home insemination.