Granting Independence to My Adult Daughter with Down Syndrome

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As graduation day approaches for my daughter, Lily, the excitement and apprehension swirl around us like confetti. In less than two weeks, she will don her cap and gown, marking a significant milestone. I find myself pondering what this means for her and for me. How will my role shift now that she’s entering adulthood?

When Lily was born with Down syndrome, I never imagined she would have the opportunity to attend college and now graduate. Recently, I learned from friends about three new babies born with Down syndrome in our community. My first instinct was to reach out to their parents with congratulations, knowing they might be feeling a mix of emotions—fear, overwhelm, sadness. I wanted to reassure them about the incredible blessings that come with parenting children like Lily.

But I hesitated, recalling how challenging it was for me to reshape my dreams for her. It’s vital that we continue to dream big and hold high expectations for our children. I want to tell those new parents that they will transform into fierce advocates for their child’s future.

What Lies Ahead for Lily?

As of now, she plans to return to college in the fall, live with a friend, and work at a local café. My role is shifting from that of a controlling parent to more of a supportive advisor, allowing her the freedom to navigate her own life. There is great liberation in this release.

I remember my sons transitioning to college and how that deepened our relationship. I learned to listen more and advise less. The physical distance helped too—out of sight, out of mind, right? With Lily, the distance is also beneficial, even if she calls me five times a day. Being four hours apart has prompted growth for both of us.

While I can try to control things from afar, true freedom doesn’t come from that approach. During Lily’s college years, I’ve recognized moments when I needed to step in, especially since guiding a child with an intellectual disability requires a different approach. It’s taken me four years to transition into this advisory role, which has been a slow but worthwhile process.

A Shift in Perspective

A dear friend recently challenged me to consider whether I view Lily as my little girl or as the adult she has become. I realized I often default to treating her like a child, failing to acknowledge her independence. Accepting that she is capable of making her own decisions is a tough pill to swallow, but it’s also a significant blessing. Isn’t that what we desire for all our children? I’m grateful for friends who offer clarity during these transitions.

No matter how old our children become, our hearts will always be tethered to them. While our roles evolve, we remain influential figures in their lives. When it feels like we are losing our grip as mothers, remember that there’s no greater role than that of a devoted, praying mother.

Encouragement for New Parents

To those new parents of babies with Down syndrome, your journey may not be what you envisioned, but it will be filled with joy, love, and growth in ways you never thought possible. You will experience love like never before, and find happiness in the simplest moments—all because of the gift of your child. For guidance on this journey, you might explore resources like this one on in vitro fertilization or check out Make a Mom’s fertility supplements for additional support.

Summary

As my daughter Lily approaches her college graduation, I reflect on my evolving role as her parent. I transition from a controlling figure to a supportive advisor, allowing her the freedom to make her own choices. This journey is filled with blessings, challenges, and growth for both of us. I encourage new parents of children with Down syndrome to embrace their unique path and seek out resources for support.