Did My Mom Parent Better Than I Do?

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As Mother’s Day rolls around once again, I find myself pondering the stark contrasts between my parenting style and that of my mother. Unlike her, who commanded respect without question, my own kids often challenge me—loudly and frequently. Can you believe it? They don’t hesitate to express their frustrations, sometimes raising their voices, a habit I would never have dared to adopt as a child.

It’s almost comical how many times I must repeat myself to get a simple task done. My mother? I can’t imagine her tolerating such behavior. It makes me wonder: Am I a worse mother than she was?

To be fair, my kids aren’t out of control. In fact, they’re quite well-behaved in public, never the source of gossip among teachers or the family’s little terrors at restaurants. They’re genuinely good kids—if I may say so myself. So why do they seem to treat me with such disregard?

After one of their notorious displays of disrespect—perhaps while enjoying a cold drink with my husband—we often find ourselves scratching our heads about how we ended up with kids who exhibit behaviors that would’ve resulted in swift discipline from our own parents. We remember the atmosphere of our childhood homes, where fear of consequences kept us in line. In contrast, my home is a space of open dialogue, where opinions can clash without fear. Yes, it gets loud and chaotic, but at least everyone feels comfortable voicing their thoughts.

There are other noticeable differences too. My kids openly discuss topics that would have made me blush in front of my mom. From eighth-grade escapades to sixth-grade experiments, they share everything with me during casual dinners or car rides—no biggie! They even express their love for me regularly, which is something I didn’t do until I was well into my college years. It weighs heavily on my heart, especially with my mother no longer around to hear those words.

Clearly, my children are growing up in a different world. My mother didn’t mingle with my friends’ parents, nor did she attend school events or check on my homework. I’m involved in countless activities with my kids, far more than she ever was with me. But despite all my efforts, my little darlings still have their moments of sheer selfishness and eye-roll-worthy behavior. Oh, and yes, they occasionally let a curse word slip!

So, I can’t help but wonder: Who is the better mother, me or her? Despite her shortcomings, my mother’s fierce love for me was undeniable, just as my love for my children is unyielding. We’re both raising kind, smart, and capable kids—so maybe we both win in our own ways.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of us—the thriving, the struggling, and everyone in between. We’re all just navigating this wild ride of motherhood together.

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To sum it up, every generation of motherhood has its challenges and triumphs. We may differ in our approaches, but our love for our children remains the same.