20 Surprising Advantages of Parenthood

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As anyone who’s jumped into the parenting pool knows, nothing prepares you for the wild ride ahead. Sleep deprivation? Torturous. Diaper changes? More like a scene from a horror flick. And let’s not even discuss the endless rabbit holes of parenting horror stories on the internet. Sure, there are countless lists detailing the unexpected hurdles of being a parent, but what about the delightful surprises? Surely, there must be some perks to this whole parenting gig, right? If not, procreation would be the universe’s biggest prank.

Rest assured, parenthood is not just about unexpected kicks to the shins. There are plenty of unexpected benefits to relish:

1. A Valid Reason to Hit the Hay Early: Weekends at 9 p.m. are the new midnight. Plus, you can catch up on all the late-night show highlights on YouTube the next day!
2. Unlimited Candy Supply: Easter candy leads straight into summer parades, which then gives way to Halloween, and before you know it, the holidays are here. You’ll have enough sweets to last until Easter rolls back around! Just make sure to enjoy them in secret…like a candy ninja.
3. A Convenient Excuse to Skip Boring Events: Not feeling the neighbor’s bat mitzvah? Sorry, it’s past your little one’s bedtime. Family reunion? Nope, got a soccer practice to attend. The excuses are practically endless.
4. A Handy Alibi for Tardiness: When you’re late, just blame the kid—everyone will buy it.
5. Watching Kids’ Movies Guilt-Free: Sure, you could go see Inside Out solo, but it’s much less awkward when you’ve got a child by your side.
6. Elastic Waistbands for Days: Those maternity jeans can stick around long after baby gate kindergarten. Eventually, they just become your trusty yoga pants.
7. Nap Time Anytime, Anywhere: Need I say more?
8. Speeding Through Airport Security: No one wants to endure a toddler tantrum in the security line. Thankfully, the Family Line speeds you through!
9. Relishing the Humor of a 12-Year-Old: Fart jokes are timeless and hilariously funny, no matter your age.
10. Rediscovering Your Funny Bone: Kids get your silly jokes, and it feels good to be funny again!
11. A Chance to Relive Your Childhood: Suddenly, spending money on baseball cards and browsing Claire’s for cheap jewelry seems justifiable.
12. An Escape Route from Awkward Conversations: Great-Uncle Bob’s stories dragging on? Time for a diaper change! Grocery store advice on sleep training? Feeding time! Family drama? Nap time! (See No. 7.)
13. Sneaking Leftover Food: That half-eaten burger from your child’s plate? Totally calorie-free!
14. Coloring Books Are Back: Who doesn’t love the joy of coloring?
15. Bowling Alley Bumpers: Goodbye gutter balls, hello strikes!
16. Priority in the Restroom Line: Just give them the “my child really needs to go” look, and you’re golden. Just hope nobody hears your child ask why they can’t go first.
17. Winning Childhood Games: Lost at Monopoly as a kid? Not anymore! Just be prepared for the inevitable losing tantrum that follows.
18. Staying in the Loop with Trends: Your kids will keep you updated on what “lit” means, even if it comes with an eye roll.
19. Selective Caring: With kids taking up most of your emotional bandwidth, you can afford to ignore Aunt Edna’s comments about your tattoos.
20. A Built-In Fan Club: Well, at least until they hit their teenage years!

So there you have it, parenting isn’t just about 5 a.m. wake-ups and chilly soccer practices. There are heaps of unexpected perks as well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to don my stretchy pants and sneak some leftover candy before I challenge my son to a game of Candy Land while we both giggle over fart jokes.

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Summary:

Parenthood is filled with challenges, but it also offers a plethora of unexpected benefits, from elastic waistbands and free passes in restroom lines to the joy of rediscovering your inner child. Embrace the perks and laugh along the way!