Your cart is currently empty!
27 Hilariously Honest Truths About Marriage
After over 11 years of wedded bliss (and a few hiccups), I’ve realized that most marriage advice I received was all about the lovey-dovey stuff. But let me tell you, very little prepared me for the bizarre, mundane, and downright ridiculous aspects of sharing your life with someone. So, here’s a candid list of truths I wish I’d known before saying “I do.” Whether you’re newly engaged or still navigating the waters, I hope this offers some chuckles and insight.
- Most marital squabbles revolve around laundry, finances, and who’s responsible for cleaning the toilet.
- At some point between engagement and mortgage, married folks start using the bathroom with the door wide open.
- Loading the dishwasher is basically a test of intelligence—good luck!
- True love is less about grand gestures and more about popping that annoying pimple on your partner’s back.
- After kids, sleep becomes a commodity that can be bartered for everything from chores to intimacy.
- Married men often keep images of feminine hygiene products on their phones to avoid embarrassing trips to the store.
- Family calendars will include soccer practice, periods (code-named “Aunt Flo”), and sex dubbed “Funkytown.”
- It’s legal to argue about directions while driving at 75 mph—welcome to married life!
- A husband can let out a fart so foul that his wife needs to step outside, only to ask for intimacy moments later. Sorry, but true!
- Handing your spouse toilet paper through the bathroom door is a true testament to partnership.
- You learn a surprising amount about your spouse’s personal hygiene habits just by doing laundry together.
- There’s an ongoing, unspoken competition over which parent the kids love more.
- Just when you think you’ve hit the jackpot with your partner, they’ll do something like eat expired cottage cheese and then wonder why something smells weird.
- A husband often doesn’t get why the toilet seat needs to be down until he has a rude awakening at 3 a.m.
- In modern marriage, a big part of your job is making sure your partner doesn’t look bad in photos before sharing them online.
- Married couples share everything—except toothbrushes, for some reason.
- Sex in marriage often starts with a towel laid out on the bed.
- One partner is always on a diet while the other indulges in pizza.
- Small blankets are the root cause of 90% of divorces. Seriously.
- House guests get the nice towels and sheets; using them for family is a dangerous game.
- Ikea assembly instructions should come with a side of marriage counseling.
- Imagining your spouse with an extra 45 pounds is just part of the long-term investment plan.
- Eventually, lingerie just becomes a hassle—being naked and alone is the new sexy.
- Seducing your wife sometimes looks like letting her sleep in or presenting her with brownies.
- Roughly 90% of married life consists of texting back and forth about dinner options.
- Trust issues often arise over who finished the last brownie.
- Watching your spouse sleep can be both creepy and strangely beautiful.
This list is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more to discover about the delightful oddities of marriage. For more real-life insights, check out what our contributors, Molly and Sarah, have to say in their latest podcast episode.
Remember, if you want to dive deeper into topics like pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource on pregnancy and explore more about insemination kits at Cryobaby for the best products. And if you’re interested in more engaging content, check out our other post on intracervical insemination for additional insights.
Summary
In marriage, the journey is filled with unexpected realities that range from mundane chores to the awkwardness of intimacy. Understanding these truths can help couples navigate the quirks of their partnership with a sense of humor.