Postpartum Depression: How I Finally Found My Way Back to the Surface

Postpartum depression is no joke.

With my first child, I had what you could call the typical emotional rollercoaster—everything felt fresh and more challenging than I’d anticipated, all while I was running on fumes. But baby number two? That was a real mental wake-up call.

The anxiety kicked in during the second trimester, right about when I was supposed to be radiating that pregnancy “glow” I had with my first. Instead, I found myself snapping at everyone, feeling irritable, and barely managing any sleep. My mantra became, “Once I give birth, everything will be fine.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Hormones can be a real pain. Instead of lightening up, my mood darkened. I felt like I was living under a perpetual rain cloud, one that seemed determined to drench me at every turn. Thankfully, I never felt suicidal, but each morning felt like a Herculean task. I cried constantly—over trivial things and sometimes for no reason at all. It was infuriating to feel so low without an apparent cause, which only compounded my guilt and sense of inadequacy. Sleep? Forget it. My anxiety had taken that too. And seeking help? That was just as daunting. Everything was overwhelming.

But let me reassure you: it does get better. You’re not alone. You can bounce back.

Around 14 months after my second child arrived, I finally started to feel like myself again. Now, at 19 months, I’m on the upswing, and it feels incredible! Just the other night, as I sat in my pajamas recounting the day to my partner, he paused and said, “You seem genuinely happy.” What a relief! It had been a long road from postpartum depression to rediscovering me.

So, if you’re reading this and nodding along, know that things will improve. You’re not alone in this. If you’re like I was during those tough times—scouring the internet for some glimmer of hope—here are a few mood-lifters to consider (or ignore—whatever floats your boat).

1. Make Showering a Daily Ritual

First up, make it a daily ritual to take a shower. Not because you’re a walking disaster (though, let’s be real, we all have those days) but because it helps you reclaim a bit of your identity. Before kids, I dreaded showering, but now it feels refreshing. You might even want to treat yourself to some new mascara for that post-shower glow. Just don’t go for anything too drastic, like dyeing your hair blue—keep it simple until you feel like yourself again.

2. Invite Friends Over

Next, invite friends over, even if your place looks like a tornado hit it. Distractions are essential. Go on playdates, even if they throw your child’s sleep schedule out of whack. Visit the library for story time, even if your little one has the attention span of a goldfish. And if you’ve moved recently, cut yourself some slack if you haven’t made new friends yet. Your tribe is out there, just waiting to be discovered. Make it a point to get out every day, even if it’s just a jaunt to the grocery store. Surround yourself with positive people; it’s way more uplifting than wallowing in complaints.

3. Eat Healthily

Eat healthily. I know it’s hard when you feel like a zombie and are still rocking your maternity clothes, but making an effort to eat well can seriously help. Trust me, you’ll feel less drained than when you’re slamming down coffee.

4. Consider Your Birth Control

One thing I overlooked during my postpartum depression journey was the effect of my birth control. After exclusively breastfeeding, I started taking a progesterone-free pill around the eight-month mark. I had no idea how much it was impacting my mood until I switched; the difference was night and day.

5. Don’t Hesitate to Ask for Help

Lastly, don’t hesitate to ask for help. And if it doesn’t come easily, keep asking. I’ve never been the biggest fan of doctors, but talking about my feelings—out loud—made a world of difference. The more I opened up, the more my friends and family understood that I was struggling. They stepped in and helped me in ways I couldn’t manage alone, even if it made me uncomfortable.

Every pregnancy is unique, and not everyone will face postpartum depression. But if you or someone you know is feeling persistently down and irritable, hang in there. It does get better. I’ve dabbled in everything from essential oils to hot yoga, and while they provided some momentary relief, opening up about my struggles was the most effective method of healing. When we keep our struggles hidden, improvement stalls.

If you suspect you might be dealing with PPD or need extra encouragement, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination at Genetics and IVF Institute.

In summary, postpartum depression is a tough journey but one that can lead to brighter days ahead. Prioritize self-care, seek support, and don’t hesitate to share your feelings with others. You’re not alone in this, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.