20 Ways I Fall Short as a Crunchy Mom

1. I chose the hospital for my kids’ births. With epidurals, of course. I truly appreciated the gleaming medical equipment, the white coats, and the comfort of modern pain relief. It may not suit everyone, but it was my choice.
2. Disposable diapers? Guilty as charged. Let’s be honest; the thought of rinsing out baby poop is far from appealing.
3. I don’t concoct my own jams and jellies from organically grown raspberries. My life is already a circus without adding that to the mix.
4. Yes, my kids do have plastic toys. They seem to prefer rocks, sticks, and toilet-paper rolls anyway, so it’s kind of a waste.
5. We’re all about vaccinations here, and yes, we follow our pediatrician’s schedule. Shocking, I know, but it works for us.
6. Co-sleeping? Nope. I need my sleep to function as a parent, and let’s be real, if I’m not well-rested, chaos ensues.
7. Sometimes I forget my reusable bags. I can sense the judgment in the checkout line, and I often resort to saying I “forgot” rather than the truth of my absent-mindedness.
8. If our survival depended on growing our own food, we’d be in big trouble. “I forgot to water the garden again” would become our family motto.
9. Velveeta cheese is my guilty pleasure. It’s a melty delight I can’t resist. Let’s keep this secret from my local commune leader, shall we?
10. I practice yoga, but my main goal is to tone up my backside. When asked for my intention in class, I’m usually thinking about tightening my buns.
11. We’re neither vegan nor vegetarian. Bacon is a staple in our household, and we unapologetically put it on everything.
12. We watch shows, movies, and everything Netflix. We don’t own a television because ours broke, but we have plenty of other devices to keep entertained.
13. Shoes? Yes, I wear those most days. And bras too, especially when I’m venturing out.
14. Soap is a part of my life; I must confess, I don’t shower every day (please don’t come after me!), but soap is in the mix.
15. Grinding my own grain for bread? That’s a foreign concept to me. I wouldn’t even know where to start!
16. I don’t buy into the idea that coconut oil is a cure-all. It’s probably only a remedy for half the things.
17. When illness strikes, we consult a doctor. I trust that they genuinely want to help us feel better.
18. Homeschooling? Not happening. My kids thank me every day for sending them to public school, where they hop on a bus and come back with plenty of stories.
19. Brewer’s yeast pretending to be popcorn seasoning? No, just no. Yeast on popcorn is a culinary crime.
20. And yes, I’ve never ventured into the realm of making kale chips. I can practically hear the commune members gasping in horror.

home insemination Kit

I’m aware that my approach to parenting might not fit the “crunchy” mold, but I embrace what works for me. So, dear friends, let’s keep the conversation going—just maybe skip the invitations to your placenta parties!

For more insights on home insemination, check out this post on home insemination kits. And for those on a fertility journey, Make A Mom is a fantastic authority on the subject. Plus, if you’re looking for reliable information about treating infertility, the ACOG offers excellent resources.

In summary, I may not embody the traditional image of a crunchy mom, but I navigate parenthood in my own unique way, and I’m proud of it.