Hey Dads: Time to Step Up at Night

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My partner, Jake, is an early riser, up and out the door by 5 a.m. every day, heading to his job as a high school English teacher. When he returns home, I often throw our two rambunctious boys his way while I finish dinner prep. After we eat and tackle chores, I retreat to our bedroom to work, while Jake takes charge of getting the kids into their pajamas and winding them down for the night.

Sounds like a great guy, right? I think he’s pretty attractive, but watching him embrace fatherhood is a whole other level of appealing. What really seals the deal is that this dedicated man doesn’t clock out when the sun goes down. He’s right there when the kids need us in the wee hours, and he always has been.

Let’s be real: our kids aren’t the best sleepers. Frequent night wakings are the norm here. From babies needing to be rocked or burped to toddlers asking for another glass of water, or kids having nightmares, Jake is there to lend a hand almost as much as I am.

And honestly, it shouldn’t be a big deal. Sure, it makes me swoon a little bit, but here’s the truth: all dads need to share nighttime duties. Whether you created a child together, adopted one, or are responsible for a child in any capacity, there’s simply no excuse for one partner to opt out of nighttime parenting.

I’ve heard the excuses: “But he works so hard. He needs his rest.” Sure, I get it. But guess what? You’re working hard too! Whether you’re working outside the home, from home, or staying home with the kids, you deserve rest as well. So why is it always the dad who gets a free pass when it comes to nighttime responsibilities?

The answer is simple: sexism. It’s infuriating. I see this in even the most progressive families—men thinking they are too busy to wake up with a newborn or assuming their stay-at-home partners can just take a nap when needed. And sadly, many women go along with this, letting their husbands off the hook while they shoulder the burden.

Look, I get it: sometimes kids just want their moms at night. My breastfeeding little ones typically preferred me and my milk supply. I accepted that. But when it came to diaper changes, getting water, comforting a sick child, or managing those bizarre nights when the kids just wouldn’t settle down—Jake stepped in.

If we hadn’t shared those nighttime responsibilities, I’m pretty sure I would’ve lost my mind from sleep deprivation. Or worse, our marriage might not have survived.

I know Jake isn’t unique. There are tons of awesome dads out there who recognize that parenting is a round-the-clock gig and don’t hesitate to pitch in. But there are also plenty of dads who make it clear from day one that they’re not interested in nighttime parenting.

To those dads, let me be blunt: no way. That’s not acceptable. And to the moms putting up with it, stand up for yourself. Don’t let them off the hook.

Parenting is tough. It’s exhausting. You probably knew that going in, but if you didn’t, you do now. Some children sleep better than others, but there will be times when they keep you awake at night, and it’s not fair for the burden to fall solely on one parent.

The truth is, if you start stepping up and helping out with the kids at night, you’ll not only bond with them, but you’ll also have a happier, more rested partner—one who is less likely to feel overwhelmed or consider filing for divorce.

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In summary, it’s crucial for all parents, regardless of gender, to share the responsibility of nighttime parenting. It’s not just about fairness; it’s about keeping your relationship strong and your household running smoothly.