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Please Stop Assuming I’m the Nanny…Seriously
By: Jenna Lark
One sunny afternoon, I find myself at the playground, pushing my daughter Mia on the swing. Her laughter dances in the air, filling my heart with joy. Just as I’m soaking in this perfect moment, another mom appears at the swing set with her son. I can’t help but notice her gaze darting between me and Mia, like she’s sizing up the situation. My stomach tightens; I know what’s coming.
“How old is she?” the mom asks, a smile plastered on her face. “Eighteen months,” I respond, returning her smile. We exchange pleasantries about our kids until the inevitable question drops like a lead balloon: “Are you the nanny?” She pauses before adding, “How long have you worked for the family?”
My heart races. Internally, I’m fuming. “I’m her mother,” I manage to say, trying to keep my voice steady. “Oh!” she replies, as if I’ve just revealed that I’m an alien. “She doesn’t look like you!”
At this point, I want to unleash a tirade about my stretch marks, the remnants of my pregnancy, and the countless sleepless nights that prove I carried Mia. But instead, I take a breath and reply coolly, “No, she’s mine,” before walking away, shoulders back, Mia in tow.
This scenario has replayed itself more times than I can count since Mia was born. Initially, I was taken aback; now, I’m just weary. It turns out that even in a progressive city like San Francisco, ignorance is still rampant.
I come from a biracial family. I’m of Mexican descent, sporting dark skin, hair, and eyes. My husband, on the other hand, is a fair-skinned, blonde-haired guy who burns like toast in the sun. Our daughter, Mia, is a perfect mix: golden streaks in her brown hair, big brown eyes, and fair skin that reflects both of us. When she looks at me, I see pieces of both her parents.
Throughout my life, I’ve faced my share of ignorant questions—from “Where are you really from?” to “You don’t look Mexican.” These comments never fail to boggle my mind. And now, as a mom, I’ve been forced to confront this ignorance anew.
I’ve shared my experiences with friends from diverse backgrounds—Black, White, Asian, mixed-race, and LGBTQ+ parents. It turns out, many have encountered similar frustrations and assumptions about their families. Whether it’s two moms being asked who the “real” mom is, or a single parent getting quizzical looks, it’s clear that these situations are all too common.
So, I decided I needed a game plan. I had to come up with a personal script for when these awkward questions arise. It’s not my job to educate everyone on the existence of mixed families in 2023, but I want to ensure my family never feels “less than” because we don’t fit into a conventional mold. Mia needs to know she’s a beautiful blend of her parents.
One handy response I’ve adopted is, “Why do you ask?” It’s a simple way to flip the script and put the onus back on the questioner, forcing them to reflect on whether their inquiry is appropriate.
Every family has its own unique journey. Just because someone’s family looks different from yours doesn’t make it any less valid. We’re all parents navigating this wild ride—exhausted, covered in food stains, and yearning for that elusive extra cup of coffee.
So, before you ask questions that might seem harmless, think twice. Is it really any of your business? The world is beautifully diverse, and not all families fit into neat boxes.
For more insights on family dynamics and the journey to parenthood, check out this informative article on privacy policies. If you’re interested in the at-home insemination process, explore this authority on the topic.
Summary:
Navigating the challenges of parenthood can be daunting, especially when faced with assumptions about family dynamics. This article highlights the importance of recognizing the diversity of families and encourages mindful communication. Embrace the unique stories that every family brings to the table and think before you ask invasive questions.