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Parenting with Open Arms
Indulgent. Neglectful. Authoritarian. Just reading those labels sends shivers down my spine. I don’t want to dig deeper into their definitions because I know I’ll find myself nodding along with 8 out of the 10 traits listed.
Have you ever bought your kids exactly what they asked for? Those over-the-top headphones they begged for? Ding, ding! That’s an Indulgent checkmark right there. What about that week you completely forgot to make dinner? Yep, you can fill in the Neglectful row too! And let’s not forget the time you stood firm about not getting them a smartphone when all their friends had one. Oh yeah, pile those red chips in for Authoritarian.
Being a parent is the most significant aspect of my life. It’s what consumes my thoughts from the moment I wake up to when I finally drift off to sleep. It energizes me and exhausts me all at once. I’ve cherished being a mom for two decades, yet I still feel like I’m figuring it all out. At times, I feel as lost as I did when my high school boyfriend convinced me to join a Civil War reenactment.
I whisper to myself at night: forgive yourself as you forgive them. I keep a note in my purse that says: mistakes are part of learning. I even have a bright yellow Post-It on my mirror that reads: you don’t just move on, you learn. These words remind me to keep pushing forward, even when it feels like I’m stumbling around in the dark, hands reaching out for something familiar only to find that someone has shifted the furniture yet again.
I remember feeling invisible as a child, always longing for understanding and acceptance in a crowded house. That loneliness keeps me on edge, second-guessing if I’m providing my kids with what they truly need. It’s a tricky balance between allowing them independence while also guiding and encouraging them. I never felt I had a voice as a kid, and that made me retreat. Emerging from that took years, but now my three children look to me in their moments of joy, frustration, and everything in between.
I’ve been the safe haven for my kids. When they were infants, my husband would hold them up so they could peek at me through the shower curtain, just to keep them from wailing. The force of their need for me was overwhelming, often leaving me singing—tears streaming down my face, overwhelmed by the love and responsibility.
Now, I can shower in peace without the little ones peeking in. I don’t even need to announce my bathroom trips anymore. Gone are the days of megaphoning, “Mommy’s going to the bathroom now! I’ll be right back!”
The landscape has shifted, and I finally have a little breathing room. But now that my youngest is 13, he’s navigating the awkward waters of adolescence. One moment he’s a little boy, and the next he’s trying on the identity of a young man. I see him groping in the dark, trying to figure out who he is while still clinging to the days when he depended on me. Although society doesn’t reward kids for liking their parents, he still reaches for me, and I want to be there for him without boxing gloves. I can stand with my arms wide open, ready to catch him when he falls, no matter what he chooses.
If you’re interested in learning more about parenting, you might find this other blog post helpful. And if you’re considering expanding your family, check out Make a Mom for their expertise on home insemination kits. For a deeper understanding of the process, Wikipedia provides excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Parenting is a complex journey filled with highs and lows. From indulgent tendencies to moments of neglect, it’s a balancing act that every parent navigates. As children grow and seek their identities, parents must adapt and be present, offering support and love without judgment. Embracing the challenges and learning from mistakes is essential, while also celebrating the moments of connection with our children.