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I’m Approaching 40 and I’ve Got Zero F*cks Left to Give
As I near the big 4-0, I can confidently say that I’ve reached a point in my life where I truly don’t care about much anymore.
It wasn’t always this straightforward. Back during my teenage years, I had a reputation for being the girl who didn’t care. Growing up in an affluent suburb, I was the oddball, living in an apartment with my single mom, who instilled in me the importance of questioning everything. So I did—dressing like a free spirit, penning poetry, and passionately debating politics and women’s rights in history class. I even earned the title of “Most Individualistic” and graduated early, eager to escape the confines of suburban life and face the world.
But truth be told, I was anything but tough. I battled insecurities about my appearance, dealt with anxiety, and bounced between overeating and starving myself. College was a whirlwind—switching schools, changing majors, moving back and forth with my mom. Yet, I persevered. My 20s were about figuring out adulthood. I tackled my anxiety, got married, and learned to stand on my own two feet.
Then came motherhood. It brought its own set of challenges, igniting new anxieties and making me feel exposed to judgment from others. I was constantly preoccupied with my children’s well-being.
Now, with a decade of motherhood behind me and 40 on the horizon, I’m finally embodying that fierce, confident, no-fucks-giving woman I longed to be as a kid. And let me tell you, it’s liberating.
Life still throws challenges my way, and I feel vulnerable at times, but I’ve learned how to navigate through it all. Four decades of experiences have equipped me with the tools I need. I can look back and see the struggles, failures, and lessons learned. It’s all behind me now, and I’ve emerged stronger for it.
Aging has taught me which individuals deserve a place in my life and which ones don’t. I’ve moved past codependency and the futile effort of trying to fix others. I’ve embraced boundaries—saying “no” to things I don’t want to do, whether it’s work commitments or my child’s endless requests for yet another gaming console. “No” is a powerful word, and I’ve found it incredibly freeing.
Perhaps the biggest revelation has been realizing that asserting myself isn’t about proving my strength to others. I have nothing to prove; I’m the architect of my own life and worth.
Sure, there are aspects of my life I wish were different, but I’ve come to accept that life is full of uncontrollable elements. What I can control is my perspective, and I’m grateful that aging has positively influenced that.
For me, turning 40 isn’t just midlife; it’s a fresh start. I’m eager for many more years of living life to the fullest, without worrying about what others think.
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In summary, as I approach 40, I embrace my independence and newfound confidence, leaving behind the worries of my youth. Life is too short to care about the trivial things, and I’m excited for what lies ahead.