10 Labor-Inducing Myths That Will Drive You Mad

Hey there, soon-to-be parent! So, you’re approaching the grand finale of this enchanting pregnancy journey. Is your glow fading? Do your feet sound like squishy sponges with every step due to that pesky water weight? Are well-meaning folks stopping you to tell you that you look “ready”? If not, hang tight; you’ll experience all that before any of these ridiculous methods actually help you kickstart labor.

These are the harebrained ideas that keep popping up in Google searches for labor-inducing tips. Trust me, I’ve searched these daily, only to find the same frustrating suggestions that didn’t work yesterday and won’t work today. Let’s dive into these infuriating yet tempting ideas.

1. Eggplant Parmigiana

Kudos to the eggplant enthusiasts for crafting this elaborate ruse to get women to consume more eggplant. Internet lore claims it triggers labor, but I’m not falling for it. I’m here to give birth, not to lay an egg! Plus, I didn’t even try this one; the thought of eggplant made me feel like I was already failing as a parent.

2. Acupuncture

I went to an acupuncturist a few days post-due date, practically begging her to get this show on the road. I might have asked her about the odds of success, which was a bit silly. Her response? “I have a 100% success rate. No one stays pregnant forever.” True enough, but not exactly reassuring at the moment.

3. Spicy Foods and Oregano

If you’re not a fan of these flavors, don’t torture yourself! Even if it works, you might end up giving birth with an upset stomach. If it doesn’t work, you’ve just ruined a perfectly good night’s rest while your body sorts out the chaos you just fed it. Spoiler: it’s probably going to be gas.

4. Bouncing on an Exercise Ball

They say bouncing on one of those big balls can help lower the baby. But all I got was a desperate need to pee every five minutes. I finally understood why they check if it’s amniotic fluid when you think your water broke.

5. Taking the Stairs

I tried it all—one step at a time, two at a time, and even sat on the stairs with my chin resting in my hands. My totally unscientific conclusion? I might as well just sit there forever!

6. Twerking

Oh sure, adorable pregnant women can dance during labor. Meanwhile, I resemble a refrigerator. My hips are lying when they say I can dance with this extra weight! Plus, my bladder can barely handle a walk, let alone twerking without a little leakage. I’m done with the pressure to look cute while being miserable.

7. Scrubbing the Floor

Really? Who thought this was a good idea? Why should I be on my hands and knees scrubbing while you can’t even aim for the toilet? Here’s hoping you can catch the baby better than you catch your aim!

8. M&Ms and a ‘Transformer’ Movie

This was my secret weapon for starting labor with my first child (at 37 weeks). I figured it would work the second time too. But who knows—maybe Megan Fox’s departure did it in for me.

9. Walking

Yes, yes, we get it. Moving around is essential. The theory is gravity will bring the baby down, so I walked every time I had Braxton Hicks. And what happened? The contractions fizzled out. I’m starting to think my body might be broken. If I ever get pregnant again, I’m riding a Segway everywhere. Take that, walking!

10. Bumpy Car Ride

Clearly, those who suggest this haven’t been in a car with my husband. The bumpy ride left me feeling seasick instead of bringing on labor. I stand by it—no one should feel like they’re about to hurl while trying to give birth!

I genuinely hope you have better luck than I did. To borrow some wisdom from my acupuncturist: you will absolutely have this baby eventually. It might not be today or tomorrow, but chances are, within a month, you’ll be holding that little one.

For more hilarious insights and tips, check out this blog post on intracervical insemination and learn more about fertility at Make a Mom. If you’re looking for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, IVF Babble is a fantastic place to start.

Summary

: This article humorously explores the ten common myths about inducing labor that are more likely to frustrate than help. From eggplant parmigiana to twerking, these supposed labor starters are just as likely to leave you annoyed as they are to help kickstart your delivery.