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Why I’m Teaching My 3-Year-Old Daughter About Consent
Let me be real with you. After diving into a recent article by Jamie Thornton on the ongoing discussion about teaching consent to little ones, I felt a wave of frustration wash over me, particularly with names like Lisa Jansen and the group Families United for Tradition.
For transparency’s sake, I’ve had my own run-in with Jansen that got pretty heated on a talk show a while back. Spoiler alert: none of her accusations held any water. And if you’re not familiar with Families United for Tradition, they’re notorious for pushing a narrow-minded agenda that’s decidedly anti-choice and anti-acceptance. They seem to think that family only looks one way. But I digress.
Honestly, I can’t wrap my head around why instilling the idea that kids can give or deny permission should be a contentious topic. This is a fundamental responsibility of caregivers. We ought to empower our children with the knowledge that they have a voice and control over their own bodies.
Here’s my take: If you don’t believe in the importance of a child’s voice, then you probably shouldn’t be parenting or teaching. There, I said it.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m not claiming to be the perfect parent. Far from it! However, I do prioritize fostering an environment where my children feel confident to express themselves. Since they could speak, they’ve known the word “consent.”
And let me tell you, it’s never too early to start teaching kids to respect “yes” and “no.” You don’t have to dive into explicit conversations about sex to do this, though you certainly can if you choose. Think about simple scenarios: “Can I play with your toy?” No. “Can I borrow your jacket?” Yes. “Can I tickle you?” Maybe.
Children have every right to ownership of their bodies and to voice their preferences about everything—from hugs to social media posts. It’s much easier to practice the language of consent in non-sexual contexts rather than trying to navigate it later in more complex situations.
I remember when my daughter was just 3, she was wandering around our living room, and my partner playfully squeezed her side. Without missing a beat, she turned around and said, “Daddy, I didn’t give you consent to squeeze me.”
He paused and replied, “You’re right, sweetie. I should have asked. May I squeeze you?” She giggled and said, “Yes.”
That moment fills my heart with joy for so many reasons. It showed that our daughter understood consent and felt empowered to speak up. Plus, it was heartening to see my partner acknowledge his mistake and respect her autonomy—a teaching moment for both of them.
Even if the data didn’t back up the benefits of consent education (which it does), personal experiences like these speak volumes. Knowing how to articulate consent, and having practiced it early on, can bring significant emotional and relational benefits as they grow.
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In summary, teaching consent to young children isn’t just about preparing them for future relationships; it’s about giving them the power to express themselves and make choices about their own bodies from an early age.