Our first two children were exclusively bottle-fed. My partner, Sarah, had intentions to breastfeed, but with our son, she was juggling a demanding job with terrible hours and no space to pump. It just didn’t pan out. By the time our second child arrived, Sarah had to undergo surgery shortly after the birth, and the medication she was prescribed affected her milk supply. Each time, she often expressed feelings of inadequacy.
I couldn’t fully grasp her feelings until Sarah breastfed our third child, and I discovered just how intricate the whole process can be. I initially thought breastfeeding would be straightforward. After all, women have been doing it since the dawn of time. Boy, was I wrong. There are countless physical, emotional, social, and practical dimensions to breastfeeding that I had never considered. Here are some insights I gained along the way.
1. Leaking Happens
I always thought breasts were a reliable, tried-and-true mechanism. I didn’t expect that when the baby cried or there was a delay between feedings, Sarah’s breasts would start to leak. At first, I thought it was some sort of flaw, but then I realized that, unlike me, she had a physical reaction to our baby’s cries. While I might feel irritated or confused, her body responded both physically and emotionally. It’s pretty amazing.
2. Not for My Eyes
Once our daughter, Lily, started crawling, Sarah and I playfully debated who she preferred. We placed her in the middle of the living room and called her from the kitchen. When she crawled toward me, Sarah took off her shirt. Suddenly, Lily changed course and crawled toward her instead. I quickly realized that my adolescent fantasies about a woman casually lounging around the house with her breasts exposed weren’t quite the reality. Those breasts were for nourishing our baby, not for my enjoyment. It forced me to rethink their purpose, which was enlightening.
3. Breastfeeding Made Me the Villain
For the first three months of Lily’s life, I felt utterly useless. If I so much as glanced at her for too long, she would burst into tears. I think this was largely because I couldn’t feed her, which left me feeling like a second-rate parent. Talk about baby daddy discrimination!
4. Nipple Complications
Chapped nipples, creams, covers, tension, and pads—there’s a whole world of nipple-related issues I had never thought about! Meanwhile, my own nipples serve no real purpose beyond symmetry. Who knew they could be so complicated?
5. Full Breasts, Bigger Problems
It should have been obvious, but I didn’t realize that breasts swell when full of milk. While I appreciated Sarah’s fuller figure, I was also wary of touching them because I didn’t want to get squirted in the face. That led to a confusing mix of desire and apprehension.
6. Breast Envy
During my first solo day with all three kids, Lily woke up and attempted to latch onto my bicep. That moment made me feel utterly inept, and for the first time ever, I found myself wishing I had a pair of breasts.
7. Jealous of the Snuggles
I love snuggling with newborns, but during Lily’s breastfeeding phase, I felt left out. With our first two children, I had plenty of cuddle time with bottles, but Lily seemed to prefer Sarah. I couldn’t help but feel envious watching them bond.
8. Breastfeeding Becomes a Major Topic
Sarah would frequently chat with her friends about breastfeeding tips, products, and even the rude comments they received while feeding. At first, I found it odd how often breastfeeding came up in conversations. But after witnessing the challenges Sarah faced, I began to appreciate how complex and significant breastfeeding is. I felt immense gratitude for her efforts to nourish our daughter.
9. Public Breastfeeding Backlash
The first time we went out to dinner, Sarah nursed Lily while covered up, and the looks she received were as if she were committing a crime. It was infuriating. I thought about everything Sarah had gone through to make breastfeeding work, and I wanted to confront those judgmental onlookers.
Parenthood has truly opened my eyes in ways I never anticipated. After almost a decade of marriage, witnessing Sarah breastfeeding our child granted me a newfound respect for her and all mothers. If you’re interested in learning more about pregnancy and parenting, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
This article provides a father’s perspective on the challenges and revelations he encountered while navigating the complexities of breastfeeding. From the emotional responses of both mother and child to the societal attitudes surrounding public breastfeeding, it highlights the intricate reality of this natural process and the depth of appreciation for mothers.