Dear Emily,
Let’s get one thing straight: it’s not a hoo-ha, a puffle, or a “down there.” It’s your vagina. I brought your vagina into this world, and I refuse to undermine its significance with silly nicknames.
Sweetheart, your vagina is actually the least fascinating part of your sexual and reproductive system. Let’s not give it so much power that we can’t even call it by its real name. If you want to chat about your clitoris, though, that’s a different story—now that’s where the excitement lies! Think of your vagina as a canal, while your clitoris is the charming gondolier serenading you through life.
That gondolier can lead you into some tricky waters.
You might say, “But Mom, my friends call theirs fluffies or pinkies. Vaginas are so embarrassing!” To that, I’d reply, “Darling, those friends may head off to college or end up in the backseat of a car with their crush, and when they do, they’ll need to understand that they’re dealing with a vagina. A vagina that comes with responsibilities. If someone wants to engage in intimacy without protection, they should know the serious consequences—like the possibility of creating a new life or facing a sexually transmitted infection. Those are real conversations that matter.”
No euphemisms will save anyone from the truth of procreation. The reality is, it’s penises and vaginas that lead to both life and the spread of STDs—not silly nicknames.
So, as you approach adulthood, I’m gifting you more than just your vagina. I’m handing you the whole package: your cervix, labia, ovaries, and yes, even your clitoral hood and areolae. But really, I’m trying to give you ownership of your body and your identity. It’s crucial to discuss these things honestly, because if I can’t talk about your anatomy without using cutesy names, how can I guide you through the tougher lessons of life?
Truth is essential. It helps us navigate everything from relationships to personal challenges. For instance, marriage can be full of strife and reconciliation, but those who struggle often lack one of those elements.
Life brings its share of tough realities: people we love will leave us, childbirth is messy and powerful, and sometimes love is a conscious choice.
You should know that there are very few answers that will satisfy you as you grow. Life will transform in both exciting and mundane ways. And remember, things that are good for you—like vaccinations—might hurt but are worth the discomfort.
Recognizing your own ignorance is the first step toward growth. Pets are a commitment, not just a fun distraction. Treat yourself to those cute shoes, don’t ignore your finances, and try new foods even if they seem unappealing. Get in the picture every once in a while; someone will want to remember your beautiful smile.
I could go on, but my goal is to prepare you to learn these things yourself. You will soon step into a world ruled by adults, and you’ll need to be ready for your role in it, even if I always remember you as my little girl.
So, let’s talk about everything—testicles, nipples, and the curious ways of the human body. One day, it’ll just be you and your vagina, figuring things out on your own. I won’t always be there to hold you tight, but I want to watch you soar. So fly high, my dear. Just know where you’re headed.
Love,
Mom