A Request to My Kids to Please Eat Just One Vegetable

home insemination Kit

Dear Lily and Max,

I know this might sound like a tall order, and that’s why I’m asking it as a gentle request rather than a command or a bribe for dessert—which, let’s be honest, is exactly what it is.

So here it goes: Could you please eat just one vegetable?

I understand that every fiber of your being seems to rebel against the idea of consuming greens. Trust me, I have no desire to start a food war like the ones our parents waged on us. But alas, your cravings for sweets and fats are deeply rooted in our evolutionary history, way before industrial food systems turned our meals into processed, sugary traps.

That’s why I need you to munch on this lovely organic carrot right now. Or perhaps a piece of spinach or kale? Remember the kale we grew? Well, your dad did that—let’s be honest, I didn’t lift a finger.

And nope, I’m not diving into yet another self-help book on parenting strategies to get you to eat your veggies. I’ve got adult coloring books to attend to, for heaven’s sake!

Also, I’m not going to hide Swiss chard in your smoothies like some parenting guru suggests. I’m way too lazy for that, and honestly, it feels a bit patronizing.

You should be grateful that you live in a place where your parents can afford fresh, organic produce to shove into your mouths—or, in some cases, into the garbage disposal. Not all the nutrients can come from that giant jar of gummy vitamins from Costco, right? At least, I don’t think so.

Just remember, nutrients don’t magically get absorbed by merely touching a carrot to your tongue and then refusing to chew. I might not be a nutrition expert (consider my nightly ritual of dark chocolate ice cream as proof), but I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works! By the way, Max, why on Earth did you come upstairs half-asleep and pee on the floor while I was enjoying my ice cream? That was a real buzzkill!

Anyway, back to the veggies. Please, just eat them. Correction: not even a bunch—just one single vegetable.

I’m begging you!

With love,
Your Mother