I found myself on the sidelines of a conversation not far from where I stood, itching to jump in and clarify things. My heart raced as I listened to my kids respond to a little boy who had just inquired about my daughter’s unique skin.
“She has a skin addition,” exclaimed my son, Oliver. I couldn’t help but chuckle at his mix-up—he clearly meant “skin condition.” But as I pondered his words, “skin addition” seemed surprisingly fitting since, after all, my daughter Lily’s skin does have its quirks!
“Yeah,” Lily added, nodding her head.
“Oh,” the little boy said dismissively, accepting the explanation and returning to his playtime antics.
I could have elaborated. I could have explained that Lily was born this way, that her skin gets really dry, and that her daily lotion makes her shine a little. But then I wondered: would my intervention have made the boy feel awkward for asking? Would it have drawn unwanted attention to Lily? Would it have inadvertently shielded her when she didn’t need it?
As a mother, one of my deepest desires is to nurture independence, respect, and resilience in my children, so they can embrace the world confidently, knowing they are unique individuals crafted by a remarkable Creator. With Lily, who bravely faces her physical differences, I find myself stepping back more often—reluctantly pushing her out of the nest instead of keeping her under my protective wing.
I understand she will encounter various reactions from the public, whether I’m there to navigate them or not. So, I wrestle with the idea of providing what sometimes feels like less support, but which I hope will be one of the greatest gifts: the chance for her to advocate for herself. My goal is to empower her with encouragement rather than dictate how she should respond. I want her voice to be her own, not a reflection of my feelings or reactions.
As her mother, my perspective is different from hers. I often feel more protective and defensive, aware that my emotions can sometimes complicate her experiences. I recognize the importance of Lily developing her confidence and inner strength by facing questions and deciding how to respond independently. Our experiences may differ, but I aspire for both of us to support one another as we navigate life with grace and purpose.
I’ve learned that stepping back can provide our children with invaluable lessons. A while ago, Lily shared a story about a new boy in her preschool class who pointed at her and said, “Your face is red.”
“What did you say?” we asked, intrigued.
“I said, ‘yes,’” she replied, beaming with confidence.
No shame. No embarrassment. Just a simple acknowledgment: yes, that’s how I look.
In that moment, all my worries about how she would handle questions transformed into what I had hoped for all along: a chance to teach her to embrace who she is and choose her own way of engaging with others.
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In summary, as parents, we can sometimes do more good by allowing our children to find their own voices and reactions in the world, especially when it comes to embracing their unique traits.